Your way back home
by writingowl
Summary: Olivia Benson and Hank Voight have been divorced for five years. What happens when they are brought back together? Will their love for their daughter make them realize how much they still love each other?
1. Chapter 1

"Don't forget this Chicago jerk, okay?"

"I won't remember anything else."

She shook her head pushing the memories of that horrible night out of her mind. Five years had gone by and she still couldn't forget it…maybe she never would. There were certain moments that made her think about it even more. When she looked at Regina and saw his face. When she walked around the house they had both worked so hard to make a home. When he called to let her know their daughter had landed safely or had already boarded the plane home. Or, like in that moment, when she sat alone at night and went through their wedding photos.

 _[sixteen years ago]_

"You look absolutely beautiful." Melinda helped her zip her wedding gown. "He'll be on his knees the moment he sees you."

"I hope so," Olivia laughed nervously. She had never thought this day would come. Never expected Hank and herself to get married but there they were. One rainy night walking the cold streets of New York, he got down on one knee and asked her to be his wife.

They had met at a conference in Chicago nearly four years ago. At first, she hadn't liked him. He looked rough and from what she had heard he wasn't an easy cop. He was actually the kind of man she didn't like…or so she thought. Two nights after the beginning of the conference, they went out for a beer and didn't spend a day apart until she had to head back home. From that moment on, Hank flew over every other weekend just to be with her; even if it was for twenty-four hours. But after two years of dating, when Olivia couldn't handle the distance anymore, he surprised her by moving to New York. He got a job at the same precinct and, even though they weren't partners, they worked together for years.

"I do," Olivia said with the brightest smile on her face before Voight slipped the ring onto her finger.

"You may now kiss the bride."

Hank grinned as he wrapped his hands around her waist pulling her towards him. He pressed his lips passionately on hers kissing his wife for the first time. Olivia had butterflies on her stomach and happy tears rolled down her face as she walked down the aisle with her newly husband. She couldn't imagine a better life, she would never be happier than with that man by her side. Hank Voight was everything she needed and more. He made her feel loved, seen and wanted. What else could she possibly want? What else could she ever need?

"I still can't believe this is your wedding and you're marrying this guy." Brian took a sip of his beer as he leaned against the bar where Olivia was getting a Manhattan.

"You better believe it because it's real."

"Seems crazy that you left my bed to go to that conference and came back in love with this jerk."

"Hey, that's my husband you are talking about." She shoved Cassidy playfully before taking a sip of her drink. "We weren't dating, Brian. We were just fooling around."

"But you liked it."

"I did. But I've loved Hank from the moment we started talking. No fooling around was worth letting him go."

"That hurts my feelings, Liv." He said jokingly.

"We are partners. Busting perps together is what we do best."

"Sex was done pretty good as well."

"Leave that in the past." Olivia kissed his cheek and walked away.

Hank watched their interaction from the other side of the salon and he couldn't help but feel the jealousy boil within himself. He didn't like Brian and they had never been able to get along. Voight knew there was history between them and, as hard as he had tried, he couldn't push that out of his mind. Olivia had reassured him on multiple occasions that whatever had happened with Cassidy was over. She never explained what exactly had happened or how she had felt about him. And what bothered Hank the most was that Brain used his position as her partner for his benefit. He didn't trust Cassidy but he trusted his wife and that should be enough to keep the jealousy at bay…sometimes it was difficult.

"I see Cassidy is enjoying himself."

"Don't do that, Henry." She would only call him Henry when they discussed Brian or they were fighting.

"I was just saying."

"You never just say something when it comes to him." He was sitting down so she stood between his legs rubbing his arms. "I'm your wife, okay? He's just my partner."

"I know how deep the bond with your partner goes."

"Is there something you'd like to tell me about Fin and you?"

"You know what I mean, Benson."

She leaned down and softly kissed his lips before tugging at his tongue. "It is our wedding day, can we enjoy it?"

"Yes," he kissed he neck teasingly. "Let's enjoy it, wife."

They danced all night with their friends and enjoyed that day which they would never forget. It had been perfect; everything Olivia had ever dreamed about. When it came to the wedding plans, Voight had left everything in her hands. After all, he just cared about marrying her no matter where the wedding took place or how grand the party was. But he knew she wanted the perfect celebration on her special day and he did everything in his power to make it great for her. "We're only getting married once so it has to be perfect," she had said the night they started making plans. To him perfect meant having her as his wife.

"Unzip me." Olivia turned around with her back to him. It was three in the morning and they had finally reached the hotel bedroom.

"Yes, ma'am." He slowly started unzipping the wedding gown. As the zipper went down, he kissed every inch of her exposed skin. He could feel the scent of her citrus lotion lingering on his nose, the one she always wore knowing it drove him crazy. She had been wearing it the first night they slept together and after him saying he loved it, she had never changed lotions again. The scent of it reminded them of crazy nights, long talks and profound confessions of love. That night wouldn't be any different.

When her dress hit the floor he scooped her up in his arms and deposited her on the bed. She kept her eyes on him while she took her white lace underwear off and he got undressed. None of them spoke and in that moment it all felt like the first time. The first time they would see each other naked. The first time they would have sex. They were now husband and wife so they would actually have a lot of firsts. Maybe that was the perfect time to have sex as a married couple for the first time.

Hank got on top of her and started planting small kisses on her body. He kissed from her lips down to her neck. Her chest to the top of her breasts making her nipples harden at the simplest touch. Along her stomach to her hips and then her lips again. His hands slowly finding their way up her thighs making her body shiver slightly. His lips focused their attention on her neck as he gently thrusted his hips begging for permission to enter…permission that was immediately granted.

"I love you," Olivia whispered in his ear as he started moving his hips at a faster pace. She could feel his body gently slamming against hers and sweat drops forming between her breasts and along his chest. Her body arched –he felt her hard nipples against his skin– as he thrusted his body going deeper in her hitting her core. He felt her wet walls tightening around him as she got closer to climax. Voight moved his face down and took her right nipple between his lips slowly caressing it with his tongue. Olivia couldn't control the growl that escaped her lips as she got closer to the edge and she dug her nails on his back leaving her very personal mark. He pushed his hips harder against her and they both moaned as he hit her g-spot and spilled his seed in her.

"Happy wedding to us," she said as she panted trying to catch her breath, her chest raising up and down.

Voight rolled off her and onto his back with a smirk on his face. "That was great newlyweds' sex, Mrs. Henry Voight."

"Mrs. Henry Voight," she repeated to herself. "Your wife is hungry."

"Don't tell me I got you pregnant already."

"Maybe." Olivia laughed as she got out of bed to grab her glasses from her purse and read the room-service menu. "Do you want anything?"

"Whatever you're having."

"Let's see."

Hank placed his arms behind his head and watched her walk the floor as she read the menu. She had her glasses on the tip of her nose; the way she wore them when her eyes were really tired. He could see the small scar on her thigh from a knife cut. He loved the way her hips swayed every time she turned around to walk back the other way. And when she talked on the phone to order the food, she started playing with her hair like she did when she was at a place but her mind was elsewhere.

She went to take a shower before the food arrived and her mind stayed on Voight the entire time. Olivia couldn't believe she could finally call herself his wife. It had finally happened. Now they could start building their home and start their own family. They had talked about having kids before so she was happy they were on the same page. If there was a man whose kids she wanted, it was Hank Voight. She was ready to be the mother of his children.

"Your food is here."

"It smells great." She got back in bed and snuggled against his side. "Feed me?"

"I'm sorry, I thought I was your husband not your nanny." He was careful not to use the word father, knowing how much it hurt her.

"Please."

"Fine." Voight said pretending to be upset before feeding her a french fry. "Did you only order fries?"

"Yes, I was craving them."

"You are a child, Benson."

"My eating habits are."

"We must agree." He kissed the tip of her nose making her giggle.

"Speaking of children. When are we starting?"

"I thought that's what we just did."

A big smile was drawn on her face. "Really?"

"Well, that's why I didn't wear a condom, right?"

"We better give it another try then," she said with a smirk.

 _[present time]_

The wedding photos were spread around her bed and her glasses were foggy from the tears she had been shedding. Olivia couldn't lie to herself, she missed him and she still loved him. The divorce had been hard on her particularly when she saw how deeply it had affected Regina. Traveling back and forth to Chicago wasn't easy and Benson knew that on some special days the girl needed her father right there. If she could, she would go back in time and change things…but it was too late.

"Why do you torture yourself?" Regina asked as she leaned against the doorframe. "You could just call him."

"And say what exactly? It's been five years but I'm still madly in love with you? Sorry I was such a stupid whore who cheated?" At the beginning, none of them had told the girl why they had a divorce. But, as she grew older and her relationship with her mother stronger, Olivia told her and Regina forgave her.

"Yes, exactly that."

"Thank you, I think I'll pass."

"Who would have thought Olivia Benson was such a coward?"

"Do you honestly want to play that game?" She raised her eyebrow at her daughter. "Have you told him already?"

"No," Regina sighed as she sat next to her mother and allowed her to wrap her arms around her. "I'm scared to tell him."

"Would you like for me to tell him?"

"I think it's something I should tell him."

"Okay," Olivia kissed the top of her head. "But don't take too long or he won't forgive us."

"Do you think I could ask him to fly out here for the weekend? Maybe the three of us can get together. I'll need your support when I talk to him."

"Gina, you know I would do anything for you. Just call him, let him know you need to have a face to face conversation and I'll be by your side."

"Thank you, mom."

If Voight thought his life had changed five years ago, he would never understand what was about to hit him.

* * *

 **Don't give up on me, I promise it'll be good! Reviews are always appreciated.**


	2. Chapter 2

"I'll get there Friday night and we can have dinner together, okay?"

"Okay, dad. Do you mind if mom joins us?"

"Why?" Hank didn't feel comfortable having to see Olivia again; they hadn't seen each other in five years.

"Because…I want her to be there when I say what I gotta say."

"You're scaring me, Gina."

"Don't worry, dad. I'll see you on Friday."

"I love you, kid."

"I love you too, dad."

Voight leaned back on his chair and looked at the photos of Regina he had on his desk. He loved his daughter more than anything in his life and had hated the last years having to be so far away. Divorcing Olivia had meant the end of his days as he knew them and he hadn't be the same man he was before. She had broken his heart and he hadn't been able to let anyone in. The only person in his life was Regina and everything he did was dedicated to her. Sometimes he wished they were still a family, but it was too late.

 _[five years ago]_

"This can never happen again, Brian." Olivia said as she buttoned her shirt. "Never again."

"Oh you loved it, Liv." Cassidy pulled her body into his and roughly kissed her lips.

"Stop it." She pushed him away with a slight smirk on her face. "It was a one-time thing."

Hank stepped off the elevator and was embraced by the squad room's darkness. She had sent him a text earlier letting him know she was still doing paperwork and wouldn't make it in time for dinner. That's why he had called Regina's sitter and asked her to come by while he brought Olivia some food. His intention was to bring her wine and maybe help her relax a bit. He knew she had been working on two extremely tough cases so at least for the night he wanted her to forget. But as he turned around the corner, he saw his wife zipping her jeans back on as Brian Cassidy got dressed. The wine slipped from his fingers crashing on the floor making Olivia look his way.

"Hank," she whispered.

"I better go." Brian grabbed his coat and was walking straight towards the elevator when he felt Voight's tight grip around his arm.

"I hope you know you helped her ruin a family." He let go of Cassidy and watched him disappear behind the elevator doors.

"Hank, I…"

"You what? What sort of pathetic excuse will you come up with?" She could feel the pain in his voice. "You what, Benson?"

"I'm sorry. I don't know what got into me and why I let that happen. I'm an idiot."

"Can't say I disagree."

Hearing him say that hurt her but she knew it was nothing compared to the pain she had caused him. Brain had been teasing her for weeks and tonight she had been weak. She let him kiss her body, ran his hands along her skin and they had sex on the floor. Regret was the first thing she felt. She regretted sleeping with Cassidy but, above all, she regretted allowing herself to enjoy it. As she looked at Voight in that moment, Olivia could see the pain in his eyes, how she had hurt him, how broken his heart was. Tears started forming in her eyes even though she knew she had no right to cry. She was the only one to blame.

"Talk to me, Hank. Please."

"What do you want me to say, Olivia? You slept with your partner…with him of all people! You chose to cheat on me. To hurt me. To break my heart."

"And I am so sorry." She stood between his legs resting her forehead on his. "I'm sorry, Henry."

"I'm sorry too." He pressed his lips softly against hers and tasted her salty tears. "I'm sorry you chose to ruin what we have. Because you know what this means, don't you?" Olivia nodded her head. "I can't stay with you. Not after this. Not knowing he touched you, he kissed you, he fucked you. I can't."

Hank took a step back and started pacing the room. What he had just seen would never leave his mind. The thought of another man –particularly Brain Cassidy– having his hands on his wife drove him crazy. The jealousy and the paranoia of Olivia ever cheating on him haunted his thoughts every day; it saddened him to see his fear become a reality. From the first night they had talked, Voight had dedicated his life to making her happy, pleasing her, because her happiness was his. But now he realized at some point he had made a mistake. Who he was wasn't enough for her and she had gone out to find what was missing in another man.

"How did I fail you? What should I have done differently?"

"No, Hank, don't do that. Please don't blame yourself." She could see he was doing his best not to break in her presence.

"Then, who am I to blame? You were clearly missing something and I couldn't give it to you." But he failed. He choked on his own words as the tears rolled down his face. He wasn't as strong as he pretended to be and he had just lost the love of his life.

"Me. You blame me!" Olivia hated seeing him this way. She cupped his face between her hands and tenderly kissed his lips. "This was on me. I wasn't missing anything. How could I? You are the most loving and devoted husband. I was just a stupid wife."

"I love you too much to place all the blame on you." Hank kissed her one more time before taking a step back. "I want a divorce, Olivia."

"Yes, I knew you would say that."

Those were five words she had never expected to hear him say. Yet she had never expected to be the kind of woman who cheated on her husband. Those words brought their daughter to her mind and she hated herself even more. She had tear Regina's home down and could already see the little girl crying when she found out. Olivia hadn't only hurt Hank, she had also hurt their daughter. Her ridiculous actions had led to damaging the only two people she had never wanted to damage, the only two people who truly loved her.

"Regina is going to hate me."

"No, I would never let that happen. We won't tell her this happened. We can say things didn't work out, that love isn't always easy."

"You would do that for me?"

"I would go to the end of the world for you." Hank placed his hand on his chest where his heart beat. "Don't forget this Chicago jerk, okay?"

"I won't remember anything else."

 _[present time]_

Voight sat in the taxi watching the raindrops run down the window and thought back on the night that changed his life forever. That was the last time he had seen Olivia. They talked to Regina separately. His lawyer handled the divorce. Fin packed his things and sent them to Chicago. That night would be the first time he laid eyes on his ex-wife in five years. He thought he would be nervous, but he wasn't. Maybe the thought of seeing her face again brought some peace into his life. Because, after all, she was still the love of his life.

"Hello, kid." He kissed the top of Regina's head as he walked to the table where mother and daughter were already sitting. "Olivia," he nodded as he sat down.

"Hi, Henry."

"Hey, dad." Regina wouldn't admit it to them but she was happy to see her parents in the same room. "Let's enjoy dinner and then we can talk."

"Should I be scared?"

"Let's wait until after we eat, dad."

Regina did most of the talking throughout the dinner. She told them about school, her friends and volleyball practice. Both her parents could feel the girl's happiness in her voice, in her laughter and they could see it in her eyes. That was all they truly wanted, their daughter's happiness. Hank had kept his eyes on Olivia most of the night. He could see she was tired but she still looked like the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on. Benson had felt his eyes on her and it made her happy. Happy to know he still found her attractive and, maybe even, desirable. All in all, dinner had been great until Regina had told him what she needed to say. After that, none of them spoke and he walked them home. His mind on the terrible news.

"And she's down for the night." Olivia said as she walked back to the living room with two cups of coffee. "Here you go, Henry."

"Thank you." Hank looked around not believing he was there again. "How long have you known for?"

"Three weeks."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"She said she wanted to be the one to tell you when she was ready. I made a promise and I couldn't break it."

"How long?"

"Nine months, a year tops."

"Isn't there something we could do?"

"Not exactly." She took a sip of coffee as she sat down next to him. "The doctor said she's stage four and the type of cancer she has won't respond to treatment. The best they can do is give her medication for the pain."

"So we are supposed to do nothing? Just sit back and watch our daughter die?" He rested his head between his hands and let out a deep sigh. "I'm not ready to do that, Benson. I can't lose her; she's all I've got."

"Believe me when I say I do understand. Hell, she's my life."

They sat in silence not knowing what to say. Olivia had been carrying the pain around for three weeks unable to show how much it truly hurt her. Now she had him. He was the only person who could ever understand her pain and her fear. She still couldn't wrap her mind around the idea of her fifteen-year-old daughter dying and she wasn't ready to do it on her own. She needed Hank by her side so together they could face the situation. And he felt the same way. The only one who could push through that hell with him was her. The time had come for them to push the past behind and unite their forces for their daughter. It wouldn't be easy, it would be painful, but it was worth it if it meant seeing Regina's smile one last time.

"Do you remember," she said in a whisper, "when she was four and she would sneak into our bedroom at three in the morning? How she would climb on your side of the bed afraid I would get mad?"

Voight chuckled remembering those precious nights. "Oh yeah. She had us wrapped around her finger; whatever she wanted, we did."

"She still does."

"I know." He looked at her and moved his fingertips along her face feeling her warm soft skin. "If she hadn't been so insistent, I wouldn't have agreed to include you in our dinner tonight. But I couldn't say no to her."

"Finally made a miracle happen after five years."

"She did."

"And now that miracle will be taken away from us." Olivia broke down for the first time in three weeks and there was no stopping the tears.

"Come here, Benson." Hank wrapped his arms around her and held her close to him; he needed that embrace as much as she did. He needed to hold her for the last five years. For the many nights they had spent missing each other. For the love they still shared. For the fights they had over the phone at least twice a month. For that unbreakable bond they still shared. For their history. But above all, he needed to hold her for the daughter they were both about to lose.

"Have you talked to her about what she wants to do now?"

"She told me she wants to continue with her daily routine. Wants no pity nor special care. She just wants to continue being Regina."

"Then that's what we'll give her. If it's okay with you, I would like to stay in New York. I don't want to spend another minute away from her."

"If it's okay with me? Hank," it surprised him that she didn't call him Henry, "you are her father. I would kick your ass, if you didn't want to stay."

"I do. I want to be around for whatever she may need. I need to be around her…before she goes."

"And she will need to have you around." Olivia raised her head, still in his embrace, and looked into his eyes. "I will need to have you around."

"I am not going anywhere." He leaned down and kissed her lips.

Regina, who had been listening from her bedroom the entire time, smiled to herself. She wasn't leaving this world until her parents were back together. If she was leaving, she needed to leave knowing they would both be okay.


	3. Chapter 3

"You kissed mom, didn't you?" Regina asked as she watched Hank pour himself a cup of coffee. She was happy to see her dad had slept over; it meant her goal wasn't too difficult to reach.

"What? Where is this coming from?"

"She hasn't smiled like that in five years. Not even when Nick was around."

"Nick?" He tried playing it cool but hated the thought of another man being around Olivia.

"Yeah, Nick Amaro. You know, mom's partner. The one she dated for like a year."

"I had no idea your mother had been dating."

"Shit! I thought you knew, dad. Don't worry it was nothing."

"I don't care. She's a free woman and can do whatever she wants…whoever she wants."

"Bitter much?" Regina said jokingly as she got her things ready for volleyball practice.

Of course he was bitter, but he would never say it aloud. For the last five years, Olivia had remained the only woman in his life. Yes, he had slept with other women but mostly because he had an itch he needed to scratch. He had never allowed any feelings and he hadn't seen any of them more than twice. Except Maggie. They had slept together a couple of times but because they were both friends with a need. Now he realized he was an idiot. She had moved on. She had dated someone else for a year. She wasn't his Olivia anymore.

"Come on, Gina. I'll take you to volleyball practice on my way to work." Olivia walked out of her bedroom wearing her glasses and a leather jacket; exactly what he had repeatedly said he loved so much. It was Saturday but there was no rest for the perps and that meant no rest for the Lieutenant. "Hank, what will you be doing today? You could come to the precinct; I'm sure Fin will be thrilled to see you."

"I've already talked to him and we are meeting tomorrow for lunch." He couldn't keep his eyes off her. She was so beautiful and he hated knowing she would never be his woman again. He needed her. "I think I'll head to the hotel and hope they haven't canceled my reservation."

"You should stay here, dad."

"I wouldn't want to intrude."

"Mom," Regina looked at Olivia with pleading eyes.

"Even if I bought your half, this is still your house. You are welcomed to stay." Olivia looked at him wishing he would say yes. She wasn't ready to watch him walk away…again.

"I'll stay here then. Thank you, Benson."

Regina smiled as she heard him call her mom Benson. He used to call her that whenever he told her he loved her or he pointed out how beautiful she was. That was his special way of calling Olivia and Regina could tell her mom understood that. Once, when she was eight years old, she had asked Hank why he called her mother Benson. And she could still remember what he said: "Because the first time I laid eyes on your mom it was when I heard someone at the conference yell Benson at her. I saw her beautiful face and she took my breath away. Literally, didn't breathe for two seconds. So, it reminds me of how lucky I am to be her husband."

"When will you tell him you love him? That you were stupid and he should take you back in?"

"Gina that is not going to happen. He is here for you not for me."

"I heard him last night. He is here for both of us."

"You shouldn't be listening behind doors."

"Come on, mom! It is my last wish."

"Don't pull that card on me."

Olivia hated when Regina pulled the cancer card on her. She understood why her daughter did it but it still hurt her. Like with volleyball. Olivia had asked her to stop going to practice afraid something may happen. But Regina said she had to enjoy while she could. It was true and she had the right to do that but not necessarily using the "I am dying" argument. She didn't use it all the time; only when she truly wanted something. That's when Benson knew her daughter wasn't playing. Her true last wish was to see her parents together again.

"It's been five years and a lot has happened since then. He has probably moved on and stopped loving me."

"I doubt it, mom. After all, he did kiss you last night."

"How are you so sure?"

"When you grow up with two detectives, you learn to read people."

"A kiss doesn't mean anything. I'm sure he has someone else."

"I never saw anyone around when I visited him. Well, only Maggie but she doesn't count."

"How do you know she doesn't?"

"She isn't you."

As she walked to the precinct, her thoughts stayed on Voight and Maggie. Olivia had met Maggie on one of her many visits to Chicago. She had been his friend since high school and they had been in touch ever since. Benson had never felt jealous of her because she knew and understood their relationship, but it was different now. Maggie had been in his life the last five years, when she wasn't, and things could have changed between them. What if they had? What if she was the one to mend his broken heart? She couldn't stand the thought of Hank moving on. It was selfish because she was the cheater and she had even dated Nick, but she couldn't imagine him loving someone else.

He found himself on his way to her office. The morning had gone by with her on his mind, unable to push the thoughts away. He was grateful life had thrown her back on his path. But he hated the reason. He hated knowing he was back in New York, in their house, because their daughter was dying. The pain was too big and he knew that was just the beginning. Voight needed to be strong for Regina and for Olivia. He would be the shoulder they could lean on. The one to hold them when they needed to break down. The one to push them through when they felt like giving up. He wouldn't let them down. And when the worst came, he would stay by Olivia's side for as long as she needed him; he didn't care for a relationship, he cared about her well-being.

"Can I help you?"

"I'm looking for Olivia Benson."

"And you are?"

"Hank Voight, her ex-husband."

"Oh. I'm Nick Amaro, nice to meet you."

"Nick, huh?" He raised his eyebrow as they shook hands. "Is Olivia here?"

"She's in her office."

"I just met your boy toy," Hank said as he stepped into her office locking the door behind him.

"My boy toy?"

"The Latin lover out there. Amaro."

"Oh. Regina told you about that?"

"I shouldn't be surprised. You did always have a weakness for your partners."

"Ouch." Olivia lifted her eyes from the paperwork. "Fin isn't here."

"I didn't come to see Fin."

"You didn't?"

"No, I'm here to see you. Well, to take you out for lunch. Our daughter called me to stay she is staying at a friend's house tonight." He took a step closer to the desk and looked into her eyes. "I don't know about you, but I think she's doing her best to leave us alone."

"You might be right about that."

They walked to what used to be their favorite place and they were both thinking back on those days. How they would always make time to have lunch together at least three times a week. How sometimes they would go to that place during the weekends with Regina. Their arms slightly bumped into each other and a shiver ran across Olivia's body. Even the simplest touch made her go crazy. The previous night, when he had hugged her and kissed her, she pretended nothing had ever gone the wrong way. That they were still married. That they still loved each other. That they were still a happy family. That their daughter wasn't dying.

"So, Amaro huh?"

"That took you," she looked at her watch as she laughed, "fifteen minutes." Olivia turned her head around and stared out the window as she spoke. "I guess you can say we dated for a year or so. He is a divorced man with two kids and we were both lonely. Misery likes the company."

"Do you love him?"

"As a partner and a friend."

"Okay." Voight looked down and took a bite of his burger. He shouldn't had asked but he needed to know where her heart was at.

"What about Maggie?"

"What about her?"

"Regina said she was the only woman she ever saw around when she visited you."

"That's because she's my friend."

"That's it?"

"Do you want to know if I slept with her?" Olivia nodded her head afraid to speak. "Yes, I slept with Maggie a couple of times."

"Do you love her, Hank?"

"Not in the way you are thinking."

"You have no idea what I'm thinking about."

"I haven't learned to read minds yet."

"About you and her. Your body on hers," she lowered her voice as she noticed people looking their way. "Kissing her body like you used to kiss mine. Fucking her like you used to fuck me."

"No, don't compare her to you. There will never be anyone like you, Benson. But, what do you care? You fucked Cassidy and those thoughts you are having are the same I've had for the last five years. Except I never cheated on you."

"Thank you for lunch, Henry. I better get back to work." And with that, she walked away.

Tears were rolling down her face as she locked herself in her office. It was true, Maggie had been the one to mend his broken heart. To solve his problems. To fuck him throughout the years. She hated feeling this way. She hated being jealous when she had no right. She hated feeling cheated on when she was the cheater. She hated the pictures in her mind of the two of them sleeping together. Olivia shouldn't had asked because she couldn't stop thinking about it. She had never wanted to accept that he had the right to move on and love someone else. It was foolish and selfish to expect him to mourn their divorce and stay in love with her forever.

"You okay, Liv?"

"No." She said as Nick sat across from her. He was the only one she could be honest with; after all, they had spent their relationship talking about Voight and Maria.

"What happened?"

"I found out he slept with someone else. Don't give me that look. I know I have no right to be mad about it."

"You don't but I get it. You had the fantasy that he would always be your man."

"I was stupid to think so."

"Your words, not mine."

"I guess I always expected him to love me."

"And how do you know he doesn't?

"Because…"

"Exactly. You have no idea what he's feeling." He stood up to leave her office. "I don't know why he is here but he is and you should use it to make things better. I know you, Liv. I know how much you love him."

On her way home, Nick's words echoed in her mind. It might not be the perfect scenario but she had the chance to make things better. She hated thinking about it but in a matter of time Regina would leave her and that would mean Voight no longer had a connection to her life. She didn't want that. She didn't want to lose both the people she loved the most. That's why she bought a bottle of his favorite bourbon and a pack of the cigarettes he always used to smoke. Olivia was determined to make things better. For herself. For him. For Regina.

As she walked into the house, the aroma of the chicken rolls he always used to cook hit her. "It smells delicious."

"You can call it a truce." Hank said as he set the plates on the table.

"I guess we had the same idea." She showed him the bottle and the cigarettes. "I hope they still are your favorites."

"They are." He grabbed the things from her and helped her take her coat off. "Take a seat."

"You have no idea how much I've missed these rolls. I would get so jealous when Gina told me you had cooked them for her."

"I remembered they were your favorite dinner after a long day."

"They still are."

Back in the day, when they were a happily married couple, Olivia would tell him she had a long day and he would immediately cook the chicken rolls for her. It was her comfort food and, no matter what was going on, it would always make her feel happy. They had a lot of tiny details. Whenever he was stressed, they would sit outside and smoke; no words were pronounced and the only sound was made by the coming and going of the cigarette between their hands. On rainy weekends, they would spend the day in bed with Regina watching movies. They used to know each other perfectly. When the other person needed to talk. Needed space. Needed a hug. Or just simply needed to have sex. That night, they both knew they needed each other's company.

"That was so good!" She exclaimed as she did the dishes. Voight was leaning against the counter drinking the bourbon she had bought for him.

"Yes, you've said it a hundred times." He chuckled moving closer to her. "I am glad you enjoyed it."

"You should cook that every night for as long as you are here."

"I think the kid might get tired of it."

"Okay, true." Olivia dried her hands and turned around leaning on the counter next to him. She took the glass out of his hands, took a sip and placed it back in its place. "Speaking of the kid. Do you want to know what she said to me today?"

"What did she say?"

"That her last wish was to see us together again."

"Fuck." Hank couldn't say anything else. He knew how much Regina wanted them back together, but he had never expected her to say it was her last wish.

"My sentiments exactly." She was distracted by her cell phone ringing. While she talked, Voight couldn't stop staring at her. "Oh my god. Is she okay? Did she hurt herself?...I'll be there in ten minutes." He could see the despair in her eyes. "Regina fainted. She is conscious now but we have to go get her."

"Let's go."


	4. Chapter 4

"I want to go home."

"We're not going anywhere until the doctor says you can, Gina."

"But mom…"

"But mom nothing. So far, I've let you do whatever you want, but that's enough. We both have to accept you are sick and need to slow down."

"I didn't ask to have cancer!"

Olivia sat on the bed next to her daughter and held her close to her chest. "No one asked for this. Believe me, I would change places with you in a heartbeat if I could."

"Why can't I get better? Why do I have to die?"

Before she could say anything, Voight walked in interrupting them. "Olivia, the doctor wants to talk to us."

"Tell him to do it in front of me."

"Kid…"

"I'm the one who's sick, dad. I deserve to know what's going on with my body."

"I'll go get him." He was gone for two seconds and stepped back in with the doctor. "You can tell the three of us what's going on."

"How are you feeling now, Regina?"

"I've been better, doc."

"The tests we ran show that the cancer in your liver has spread to your stomach and your lungs."

"What does this mean?" Hank asked as he felt Olivia squeezing his hand.

"It means Regina can no longer play volleyball. Her lungs aren't working properly and the extra activity wouldn't be good for her. It also means that sometimes you will get sick after eating," he looked at the teenager, "that's because from time to time your stomach will reject the food."

"So, how long do I have? Still nine months?"

"I'm afraid not. With how fast the cancer is spreading, you now have three to six months left."

"Can I go home now?"

"Yes, just make sure you get some sleep. We kept you awake all night so you should use today to rest."

Neither of them spoke on the way home because there were no words that could possibly bring any comfort. One day Regina was fine, traveling back and forth between her parents' houses, and the next she was dying. Neither Voight nor Olivia could understand how life could be so unfair and take away the only good thing they had done in their life. They had made many mistakes, many things they regretted having done, but Regina was definitely not one of them. Regina was the product of the truest and purest love. Because, despite everything, their love had been magnificent and had given them the best gift. They couldn't imagine life without that gift, without their beautiful daughter.

"Do you want to skip school on Monday?" Olivia asked as they were done with lunch and sat around the table looking at each other.

"No, I want to go. I want to spend time with my friends."

"I get that, kid, but maybe you should wait and see how you feel tomorrow morning."

"I agree with your father."

"Whatever you say. I'm going to sleep now. I feel tired." She pushed her chair back and left the kitchen heading towards her bedroom.

"I have to be in court tomorrow, can you stay with her if she doesn't end up going to class?"

"You don't even have to ask."

"Thank you." Olivia rubbed her eyes pushing the tears away.

"It's okay to cry, Benson."

"It isn't. I have to be strong for her."

"She's not here right now. How about I'm the strong one for a while?"

"I would like that very much."

"You got it."

As the tears started rolling down her cheeks, Olivia felt Hank wrapping his arms around her and scooping her up. He didn't say anything because he knew she didn't need that; she just needed to be held while she cried. His arms were her home, in them she felt the safest she had ever been. Benson knew that no one could hold her that way. No one could love her like he did. Because in that moment, as he embraced her and she listened to his heart beating, she understood the love was still there. Infidelity and other sexual partners couldn't stop that. Nothing could stop their love from existing. That kind of love happened but once in a lifetime. It was unique and it could survive anything.

"I want to show you something," she took his hand and led him towards her bedroom. Voight watched her every move as she reached for a box inside her closet. Olivia sat down on the floor and patted the spot next to her. "Family photos I've kept all this time."

"Yes, you kept those in the divorce."

"Be nice, Henry." She shoved him gently as she placed a photo between his hands. "This is from the first time we took Regina to the beach."

"I remember she spent the entire week trying to eat sand."

"And she succeeded." She pointed at a photo of Regina with a fist of sand in her mouth. "She was such a mess."

"She was always putting things in her mouth. Like with the snow that time we went skiing."

"I have that photo. Hold on!" She stood up and went back to looking inside the box that held their family treasures. "Here it is." As she walked back to him, Hank pulled her leg making her sit on his lap.

"Show me."

"See? Here she's shoving snow in her mouth," they both laughed remembering that day. "And here she's skiing for the first time."

"There's so much life in her. I can't understand how someone like her can get sick."

Olivia shifted around on his lap so she was facing him, her legs wrapped around his waist. "I don't think we will ever understand why this is happening. Is it a test life put in our way? I have no idea. Nothing will ever take the pain away. Nothing will ever fill the void she will be leaving. But I am grateful for her. My god, I am so grateful. She is the most amazing thing life could have given me. She is the most amazing thing you could have given me. Because she is ours, we created her. Our love brought to life the most perfect human being and, even with this horrible sickness, nothing can take that from us. And maybe we were given a certain time with her, the best of our lives. Maybe this is life's way of showing you your way back home. A horrible way but a way at last."

"I am home," Voight whispered as he kissed her lips tenderly and he could still taste the trace of the salty tears she had shed minutes earlier.

Before they could say anything else, Regina yelled calling for Olivia. She found her daughter laying on the bathroom floor in a pool of her own vomit. In that moment, all the pain, the fear, was pushed away and she immediately focused on her child. Benson picked Regina up and got in the shower with her. She could feel her hands shaking as she washed the vomit away and cleaned her daughter's body. Her clothes were soaking wet as she got her little girl into a fresh pair of pajamas and in her bed. As she cleaned the bathroom floor, she allowed the tears to flow. Cancer was showing its signs and she wasn't ready to see her baby girl suffering.

"I'm sorry, mom."

"You have nothing to be sorry about, Gina. I'm sorry I wasn't here to help you earlier."

"I didn't want to call for you. I thought I would be fine but then I lost control of my body."

"Regina, I want you to always call me or your dad if you feel like you are about to throw up. We are here for you so whatever you need, you tell us."

"I will," Regina said as she yawned. "I'll go back to sleep now."

"Do you want me to stay?"

"No, I'll be fine."

"I'll come check on you in a few minutes."

Voight was going through old photos when she walked back into the bedroom. He was about to ask if everything was okay but he could see in her eyes that it wasn't. "Come here," he took her hand in his and led her to the bathroom where he got the shower running. Slowly, Hank started undressing her, his fingertips slightly caressing her skin. She was still shaking, she felt numb and all she wanted was to be in his arms again. "Join me," she whispered as he helped her step in the shower. He nodded and removed his clothes before standing under the water with her.

Olivia took a step closer to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. It was the first time they saw each other naked in five years. The first time their bodies touched. But it didn't feel like it. It felt like no time had gone by. Their bodies felt familiar, like they had never been apart. Voight ran his hands along her body feeling her wet skin shiver at his touch. He kissed her neck before pressing his lips against hers.

"I need you," Olivia whispered.

"Are you sure?"

"I've never been surer about anything in my life."

He picked her up wrapping her legs around his waist as he slid in her and pressed her back against the shower wall. Softly he started working his body, his hips moving in circle motion against hers. Olivia kissed his neck and a soft moan escaped his lips. Five years had gone by since the last time they had had sex. Her body felt just as good as the last time. Voight nibbled her earlobe before he kissed down her neck to her chest. His hands were placed on the small of her back preventing her body to slam against the wall as he thrusted his hips going deeper in her. Benson moaned his name as her legs tensed around his waist and her walls tightened around him as he hit her core harder each time. He worked his hips going deeper and hitting her g-spot; a loud moan came out of her mouth as he drove her over the edge and spilled his seed in her.

"I love you, Olivia Benson." He looked into her eyes as he helped her wrap a towel around her body.

"And I love you, Hank."

"I don't know how things will go from here. I have no idea what our future will bring, particularly with Regina's condition. But if there's one thing I know, it's that I don't ever want to lose you again. Despite everything, you are my wife…my ex-wife, but still mine. My heart is yours."

"I promise I won't let it get broken again."

"I trust you, Benson."

"Good," she said before kissing him. "I have to go check on Regina."

"Let me do that." Hank put his boxers and shirt back on before heading to Regina's room.

As he stepped into the bedroom, he saw his daughter peacefully sleeping. She didn't look sick. She didn't look months away from dying. He wished she wasn't. As he watched her sleep, Hank wished he had come back home sooner. He wished he hadn't waited until a tragedy happened to come back to his daughter and wife. He knew Olivia and he would never be separated again but Regina wouldn't get to enjoy that. If only he hadn't been so stubborn. If only he had come back sooner, he might had been able to give Regina a couple more years of happiness.

"Dad?" Regina shifted in bed as she woke up.

"Didn't mean to wake you up, kid."

"It's okay. Did something happen?"

"No, I just came to check on you."

"I'm okay, dad."

"I wanted to tell you something," he sat on the bed next to her. "Your mom told me about your last wish."

"Oh."

"I wanted to say you can stop wishing."

"But dad, you belong with her!"

"No, you don't understand what I'm saying. I am never leaving your mom again."

"Thank you, dad!"

"No, thank you. Thank you for showing me where I belong."

* * *

 **Reviews are always welcomed and appreciated; they motivate me even more than you know.**


	5. Chapter 5

The sun on her face wasn't the reason she was awake but the feeling of his lips against her skin as he placed soft kisses along her spine. When they were married, he used to do that every morning after they had sex and, apparently, old habits die hard. She enjoyed knowing he still loved her, still cared about her, even after all the pain she had put him through. The previous night had been a demonstration of that. Once he came back from checking in on Regina, they had sex on the bed and fell asleep in each other's arms. There was where she belonged and she hoped they would never sleep away from each other again.

"Good morning, Hank." She whispered as she tossed around to face him.

"Good morning, Benson." He kissed her lips softly unable to believe he had slept next to her in what used to be their bedroom, on what used to be their bed. "How did you sleep?"

"Never better and you?"

"Best sleep I've had in years."

"Even in Maggie's arms?" Olivia bit her tongue wishing she had never said that.

"You are never letting that go, aren't you?"

"Sorry."

"Maggie never spent the night and I never stayed over at her house."

"Really?"

"You are the only woman I want to sleep next to, Benson." He moved the hair from her face and looked into her eyes. "Maggie is my friend. We both wanted to fuck so we did. Didn't mean anything to me."

"Okay, I believe you."

"What about your boy toy Amaro? What was the deal?"

"He isn't my boy toy. Like I said, we dated on and off for a year. We were both lonely so we did it. But he is my friend and my partner and that's what connects me to him now." She whispered in his ear, "you always fucked me better."

"That's what I like to hear." Voight chuckled as he sat down on the bed.

He would never tell her but he was content knowing she hadn't always been alone. He knew Olivia and, yes, she was a strong woman but she was always surrounded by darkness. Voight had been there in the moments she broke down and after the divorce he was afraid she would bottle up her feelings. That's why knowing Amaro had been around put his mind at rest…even if he was still jealous. He couldn't help the jealousy, it was part of who he was, and, at one point in their life, it had proven to be right. Now, he just wished history wouldn't repeat itself.

"You are beautiful," he said as he watched her get dressed.

"Stop it." She leaned over the bed and kissed him. "I'll be in court testifying all day."

"I'll be waiting with a glass of wine."

"And you'll stay with Regina, right?"

"Benson, that goes without saying."

"I just worry. I don't want to be away from her."

"I know but there's a woman who needs you today. So, while you are there focus on her and try to forget about Regina. I'm her father, I will take care of her."

"You are right. She's in good hands."

"Yes, I have good hands."

"Oh, don't I know?" A small smirk appeared on her face. "Maybe those hands can help me relax when I get home tonight."

"Maybe. We'll see what we can do."

"I love you, Henry Voight."

"And I love you, Olivia Benson."

She didn't want to be away from Regina, not even for a few hours. Every moment with her daughter was precious; a moment she would never get back and she would never forget. But Hank was right. He was going to take care of their daughter and, after all, they did need a father-daughter day. And she needed to focus on the trial. She was always so dedicated to the survivors and she wouldn't let that day be any different. She would testify with the truth and do her best to bring justice. Afterwards, she could spend the night with her daughter and the man she loved.

"I heard he is in town," Barba said as they met outside the courtroom. "I do hope that won't interfere when you testify."

"When have I ever let my personal life affect my work?"

"Let's see. Maybe, just maybe, when you fucked Cassidy and cheated on him?"

"That was low, Barba."

"Then you shouldn't have asked."

"Yeah, I will remember next time."

"Is he here for Regina?" Barba was the only one she had confided in about her daughter's illness.

"He is."

"And you have already slept with him, haven't you?"

"Twice, if you must know."

"You were always weak for that deep raspy voice."

She had known Barba for years and so had Voight. Barba had been the one to stop her from drunk texting Hank during the first months of the divorce. He held her as she cried and listened as she repeatedly blamed herself. He had been the one to hold her hair back as she threw up the mixture of wine and pills that night. He was her best friend and had always taken care of her. That was why she had called him crying after she found out Regina was dying. She wanted to call Voight but she hadn't been able to do so. Barba was her second option, the other man she trusted the most.

"Dad, can I ask you something?" Regina looked at him over the lunch table.

"Go ahead, kid."

"Were you mad at mom for cheating?"

"No, I wasn't mad. I was hurt. Hurt she made that choice and didn't think how that would affect us. But I blamed myself; maybe I should have been a better husband."

"Have you forgiven her?"

"I have but I haven't forgotten."

"And what does that mean?"

"You are too young to understand."

"I am but I won't get the chance to grow up and understand."

"Okay." Hank took a deep breath before he continued to speak. "I have forgiven her for what she did because I know she regrets it and, in the end, she never meant to hurt me. But I can't forget what happened. I can't forget she slept with him. I can't forget the pain I felt. I can't forget the betrayal."

"And still you love her."

"With all my heart."

"I remember when she told me. I had spent the night before at a friend's house and came home to find her crying on the couch. It didn't surprise me, because she spent the entire first year like that, but something had changed; I could see it in her eyes. That's when she told me."

"How did you feel?"

"Betrayed. To be honest, I felt like she had cheated on me and in a way she did. She cheated me out of my family and you out of my life. I spent a month not talking to her until I realized she had hurt herself more than me. That's when I forgave her."

"I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"I'm not. Now I see that it was my destiny all along. It was life's way of showing me things I'll never get the chance to learn otherwise."

"Well, life is a fucker," Hank thought to himself. Life had a funny way of teaching them. A funny way of showing him his way back home. It was as if life had given him the perfect wife, daughter and family to take it away from him. And five years later, it was knocking on his door telling him to go home but only because it would kill his daughter. Life was a fucker and Voight was experiencing it from the first row. He would tell the fucker to go suck it if he could. He would take Regina's place if he could. But life never gave you a choice. You had to play the game by its rules.

"I'm ready to die now."

"Regina, don't say that."

"But it's true. Look," she said as she sat up straight and placed her hands on the table like Olivia always did, "I have no other option; there is no cure. So I might as well accept it, right? The first ten years of my life were the happiest. I had the best parents and we were an amazingly happy family. The last five may not have been too great but they were still good. I got to know mom and you separately and understood you. And now, you are back. That was all I ever wanted."

"Spoken like a wise person."

"Or a dying one."

"I hope you know both your mother and I are absolutely proud of you."

"And I am proud of both of you."

It was in that moment when Hank Voight accepted his daughter was going to die. There was nothing he could do to stop that from happening and he knew all he had left to do was make peace with it. Would it hurt? More than anything he had ever gone through. He was thankful with the time he had gotten with Regina. She had taught him so much; how to be a father, a better man, a better person, but above all, how to cherish life. She was the best thing to ever happen to him and he would never be able to forget her. Never be able to stop loving her. Never be able to stop mourning her loss. Regina would always be his daughter and he would never stop being her father. That was something the cancer, her death, wouldn't be able to take away from him.

 _[almost fifteen years ago]_

"You are here again," Olivia whispered in his ear as she wrapped her arms around his waist from behind. "You do know she's not going anywhere, don't you?"

"But she's growing up so fast." Every night, since Regina started sleeping in her crib, Hank would find himself in her bedroom. He wanted to enjoy every minute because he knew time would go by and things would never be as they were in that exact moment.

"Hank, she's six months old. She literally has all her life ahead."

"I know that but this moment will never repeat itself."

"It has been repeating itself for the last month."

But Olivia knew what he meant and she loved him more for it. From the day Regina was born, Hank had dedicated his life to her. He cut hours at work so the baby wouldn't spend too much time with a sitter. He had accepted Benson wouldn't do it –it wasn't in her blood– and was happy to do it. Voight had never judged her parenting skills, not even when she doubted herself. He encouraged her by reminding her what a great mother she was. They both knew Olivia needed her job as much as she needed to be a mom and that's how their life had been organized. Regina was the only child they would have so they could fulfill their dreams and still be good parents.

"It doesn't repeat itself." He turned around to face her. "Every night she is different. She grows. She starts showing signs of her personality. She becomes her own person. And, every night, I love her more and more."

"She is so lucky to have you, Henry."

"I don't know. I wouldn't want me as a father."

"Are you crazy?" She cupped his face between her hands. "You are the most amazing father. You are devoted to her. Your life is in her hands and you love it. I know you will protect her for the rest of her life. I didn't have a father," Olivia said with tears in her eyes, "but if I had, I wish he would have been like you."

"Any man would have been lucky to be your father, Benson." He kissed her before whispering against her lips, "I can be your daddy."

"Voight," she bit his lower lip.

 _[present time]_

"I didn't hear you come in," Hank kissed the back of her neck as he pulled her into him. She had her hair up in a ponytail, was wearing her glasses and she had already unbuttoned a couple of buttons on her shirt.

"I got here two minutes ago. I wanted to see her, even if she's sleeping."

"How was court?"

"Hell, as usual. We are waiting on the verdict. Barba did well so I hope they don't take too long."

"Barba always does good…but don't tell him I said that."

"I won't," she said with a chuckle. "How was she?"

"Good. She gets tired too easily so we just stayed home talking and watching movies."

"May I know what you talked about?"

"You, life, death. A little bit of everything."

Olivia turned around and he could see the sadness in her eyes. "I can't believe she is dying, Hank. Seems like yesterday you would watch her sleep and I said she wouldn't go anywhere. What a fool I was."

"We could have never imagine this would happen."

"I should have cut down my hours. Should have spent more time with her. Should have been a better mother."

"Benson, don't. You did what you had and needed to do. Cutting down hours or not doesn't represent who you are as a mother. You have always been here for her, taking care of her, teaching her, loving her. No secrets exist between Regina and you. I think that shows how much you mean to her."

"I wouldn't have been able to do it without your support."

"You did it without me for five years. Give yourself some credit, Olivia."

She wasn't like Hank; she could never accept Regina was dying. For her, this time had brought fear and regret. Fear she wouldn't get over her daughter's death and could never learn to live without her. Regret of haven't been a good mother. No matter what Voight or anyone else said, Olivia didn't think she was a good mom. She hated herself for not having been there every step of the way. For doing things that had hurt her daughter.

Hank could read her thoughts in the way she looked. "Come on," he said as he unbuttoned the rest of her shirt, "let's get you moaning. Put your mind in blank for a little while."


	6. Chapter 6

He took her nipple between his lips nibbling it as her body arched underneath him. Her mind was definitely blank when a moan escaped her lips, his body slamming against hers, his hands squeezing her ass, him hitting her core harder each time. The sweat that had formed between their bodies made his skin stick to hers as he thrusted his hips harder. The feeling of her walls tightening around him encouraging him to keep going, deeper and faster. Hank kept his mouth on her breast as his hand roamed from her ass to the front of her body. He pressed his thumb hard against her wet clit and moving it around in circles made Olivia's body leave the mattress one more time with a groan. That was her weakness and he knew it; Benson went crazy every time he caressed her clit. It didn't take long after that. He felt her legs go weak around his waist, her breathing speeding, moans leaving her lips more frequently, her body trembling as the orgasm hit her, the weight of their bodies heavily falling against the bed as they both came.

For a moment, none of them spoke. Olivia's mind wasn't in blank anymore and so many thoughts kept appearing. What did all of this mean? Were they getting back together? Would he move back from Chicago? Was this only happening because Regina wanted them together? He had said he loved her, but, did he truly mean it? Was he willing to change his life to be back with her? So many questions she had no answers for. She loved Hank Voight –she had never stopped loving him– but she was afraid the sex, his love, him staying around, was only happening because of the situation they were going through.

"I sure hope your moans didn't wake Regina up." He said bringing her back to reality.

"We would have to place the blame on you."

"Me? But I did nothing."

"If that was nothing, I can't imagine what would happen to me if you did something." She laughed as she curled her body next to his.

"We were married for ten years, I think you can imagine."

"But, let me tell you, the sex has only gotten better with age."

"We are not that old, Benson."

"We are more experienced."

"Oh, yeah. I have Cassidy and the Latin lover to thank." She smacked his chest before he was done talking. "What? Was there someone else?"

"No, I've spent more than half of our divorced being a nun."

"Olivia Benson a nun. Hard to believe after what we just did."

"Well, you better believe it." Olivia sat on the bed hugging her naked legs against her chest. "What about you? Was it only Maggie?"

He looked over at her and kissed her thigh. "Do you really want to know?

"No, but I have to. I need to know what happened in these five years. Just lay it on me."

"There were two other women."

"Do I know them?"

"No, I didn't even know them. You may not believe it but I was a mess the first year and…well, drunk nights led to those two."

"So, strangers?" She saw him nod. "But ever since then you've been sleeping with Maggie, right?"

"Olivia, we don't have to do this."

"Please."

"Yes, I've been sleeping with her on and off."

"Did you fuck her before you came here?"

Voight didn't want to keep talking about it. Him and Maggie had something…he couldn't call it special but it was something. They had sex quite often but they never slept over. They shared dinners and long talks. She was his best friend and the one who had helped him get back on track after the divorce. She picked him up from bars late at night when he was so drunk he couldn't stand. She had been the one to listen to him profess his love for Olivia over and over again. Maggie had been to him what Barba had been to Benson…with added sex.

"Yes, two days before I flew out here. But," he sat on the bed in front of her and looked into her eyes, "in my defense, I didn't know this was going to happen. I didn't know we would fall back into each other. I didn't know how strong our love still was."

"Do you truly love me still?"

"You shouldn't have to ask." He leaned forward and kissed her lips in the gentlest way. "I've loved you since the first night we went out for drinks. I've never stopped loving you. I will never stop loving you."

"So," she lowered her voice afraid of what she would ask next, "what will happen once Regina is gone?"

"Are you asking me if I will stay?"

"Yes, will you?"

"I won't leave you, Olivia. I'm back and I'm staying. We were never meant to be apart."

"What about your life in Chicago?"

"Regina and you are my life. I will sadly lose one; I don't want to lose both."

"You never will."

At least in that moment, her fears were pushed away. She had heard him say the right words. He loved her. He was staying with her. Olivia wished they had recognized the strength of their love before it was too late. As she threw his shirt over her head and made her way to Regina's bedroom, she asked herself why she had waited for a tragedy to let him know she still loved him. She thought about all the pain, the fights, the disagreements, they could have avoided if they had put their egos away. But it was too late to change that and there wasn't a point in having regrets. They had to accept life as it was.

"Regina," she whispered as she sat on her daughter's bed. She hadn't been able to see her and missed her. "Come on, girl. Wake up, I've missed you." She tickled her like she used to do when the girl was younger; but Regina didn't move. Olivia shook her leg and nothing happened. "Regina!" And she did what she had been so afraid to do. Benson checked for her daughter's pulse…there was none. Her heart was no longer beating. "Hank!" She screamed in pain as she held her daughter's body against hers.

Voight rushed into the bedroom, the fear in his eyes. "What happened?"

"She," the crying was too strong, "she is…she is dead."

"No, that's not possible."

With fast pace he reached the bed and did exactly what Olivia had done. She was right. There was no pulse. Their baby girl was gone. He wrapped his arms around Olivia and their daughter's lifeless body. Hank couldn't believe it was happening. He couldn't believe how fast the cancer had taken her. He couldn't believe he wouldn't hear her voice or her laughter again. He would never see her smile or see her play volleyball again. She was gone and he wouldn't be able to bring her back. That night, a part of him died. A part of Olivia died. A part of them died and life would never be the same. They would never be the same.

"What do we do?" She whispered unable to let go of Regina, unable to leave his arms.

"We have to call the doctor and see what the next step is."

"Burying our daughter is the next step, Henry."

"Don't be like this, Olivia. This hurts me just as much." He let go of her. "I'll call the doctor. Just stay here with her."

"Yes, I wasn't planning on going anywhere."

And it had begun. When Olivia Benson was in pain, she took it out on him trying to hurt him as much as the pain was damaging her. He couldn't deal with that. Voight was as broken as she was and he didn't need the extra hit. That's why he left her and called the doctor. An ambulance would get Regina's body –they still needed to have an autopsy– and they would be able to get it back for burial in two days. That would give them time to prepare, but how could they? How could they ever be ready to bury their daughter? No one had prepared them for this. They never thought this day would come.

"Do you need anything?" He asked four hours after the body had been taken away.

"Our daughter."

"Believe me, I wish I could. I would give my life for hers in the blink of an eye."

"You should. She deserved living more than any of us."

He ignored the first comment; it wasn't time to fight. "She did. Regina deserved much more than what she got."

"She deserved better. Why couldn't we give her better, Hank?"

"We gave her all we could. We couldn't control her illness, it was out of our hands."

"Nothing should have been out of our hands when it came to her."

"I agree. We controlled everything we could, Olivia, but we weren't an omnipotent force that could control life and death."

Olivia spent the days before the funeral getting drunk in bed. Hank had tried to stop her from drinking but that had led to fighting and he couldn't handle it. So he let her drink and yell at him for as long as she needed to. He was used to the way in which Benson dealt with the pain. She would act like a bitch and drink day and night for a few days until she was ready to face reality. He was letting her do that but was afraid this time she wouldn't have the strength to move on. What was he going to do if that was the case?

"Olivia, go take a shower. The funeral is in two hours and you need to sober up."

"I don't want to go."

"You don't want to go to your daughter's funeral?"

"That's what I said."

"You have to."

"No one says I have to."

"Okay, that's it." He threw her body over his shoulder and carried her to the bathroom. Once he got the shower running, he made her stand under the water.

"What? You're gonna fuck me?"

"No." He started washing her body trying to get the smell of alcohol off.

"Leave me alone!"

"Cut it out, Olivia." He grabbed her face between his hands. "I get it, okay? I know the pain you're going through. I feel it too. But right now I'm asking you to stop acting like a bitch and sober up. Do it for Regina. You owe it to her to decently show up at her funeral. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Okay." He continued to wash her body and then helped her get dressed.

Olivia rested her head on his shoulder as the taxi drove them to the cemetery. She was sorry for the way she had acted towards Hank and realized how selfish she had been. He had lost a daughter too and instead of mourning her loss, he had been too busy taking care of her. Yes, she had needed him to take care of her but now it was time she did the same for him. No more being a bitch. No more drinking. She would find the strength in her to learn how to mourn their daughter together without hurting him.

"I don't think I'll be able to speak."

"You don't have to."

"But I want her to know I love her."

"She knows that, Benson."

"Will you speak for both of us?"

"If that's what you want."

"Please."

"Then I will."

Everyone who loved Regina was there. She hadn't had grandparents or uncles or aunts but she had had a family who loved her. Those who had been there since she was born and those who had recently joined her life. Barba, Nick, Fin, Amanda, Carisi, Melinda, Munch and Cragen were there. They had always been Olivia and Hank's family; some closer to Benson, some closer to Voight. They had made Regina a part of their lives. Maggie flew in from Chicago to be there. She wasn't only her dad's best friend, she had always been like an aunt to Regina. They were all there showing their love and giving their support because that was what families did.

"I'd like to say something on behalf of Olivia and me." She squeezed Hank's hand as he started speaking. "I remember as if it was yesterday when I got home one night sixteen years ago to find Benson crying on the kitchen floor. We can't lie, we all know my first thought was "who do I have to kill?" but as she looked at me, I saw the biggest smile I had ever seen. That's when she told me we were going to be parents. That's how she said it. Parents. A title that will never leave us…even if life took our girl away." He made a pause to push the tears away. "Regina had the most beautiful soul. She made everyone around her feel alive. She would always smile and laugh and that would cause you to do the same. Some may say she looked like me. Some may say she looked like Olivia. To us she looked like her own person. She was the product of our love and the best thing we could have created. About four weeks ago, I found out she was dying." He wasn't hiding the tears anymore. "I understood my life would never be the same. And it isn't. The world doesn't seem right anymore. Nothing seems right without her. But," he took Olivia's hand in his, "we will continue to live for her. We will honor her life and do what she asked us to do. So, Regina, wherever you are, fly high and enlighten the world like you enlightened our lives. We love you and we will never forget you."

"That was beautiful." Maggie hugged Hank as she approached him after the funeral.

"Thank you for coming."

"I had to say my goodbyes."

"She loved you, you know?"

"I know." She squeezed his arm. "Are you coming home?"

"Olivia is my home."

"She always has been."

"Maggie…"

"Just…don't let her hurt you." She kissed his cheek close to his lips. "You take care of yourself, bad boy."

"I will."

Olivia didn't speak on the way home. Her mind was on Voight and Maggie; he was her man and she couldn't let another woman take him away. As he stood in the living room, she wrapped her arms around him from behind and softly started kissing his neck. Slowly she slid her hand in his trousers but, before she could do anything, he turned around to look at her.

"Not tonight, Benson." He kissed her forehead.

"Why? Is it because you saw your mistress?"

"Olivia, don't start."

"What? Would you rather fuck her?"

"No."

"Then what is it?"

"You're drunk and in pain. I won't do this."

"Whatever, Henry. Go fuck Maggie or not but leave this house right now."


	7. Chapter 7

He hadn't left, he wouldn't leave her alone in that state. She yelled at him for thirty minutes before she gave up and continued to get drunk. Hank knew it had only been two days since Regina passed away but he was already scared of Olivia's drinking. Barba had called him one night –on the first year of their divorce– to tell him he had found her drunk late in the office. Ever since then, Voight would always ask Regina how her mother was doing because he was afraid she would fall into alcoholism. Benson had always had that fear; after all, it did run in her DNA. That's why he hadn't left that night, he had to stay close to her.

"My head," she whined as she sat up on the couch rubbing her forehead.

"Here." Hank handed her a glass of water and an aspirin. "This will make it better."

"Will it take away the pain in my heart?"

"I don't think it's that kind of pill." He kissed her forehead before he headed back to the kitchen where he was making breakfast. "I'm cooking hash brown, pancakes and bacon. The grease will absorb the alcohol."

"Why are you being so nice?" She sat on the counter watching him cook. "I was a bitch last night."

"I'll just blame it on the pain and the drinking."

"I'm sorry, Hank."

"Hey," he stood between her legs and looked into her eyes, "it's okay. Don't be so hard on yourself."

As she ate breakfast, Olivia thought back on the previous day. She couldn't believe they had buried their daughter; now it was real, she was gone and she wasn't coming back. Benson felt as if her life had ended as well and she had no idea how to keep going. The alcohol was helping. At least when she was drunk she was numb. The pain didn't bother her. Her feelings were shut down when the wine took over her body. But it took, at least, a bottle of wine to start forgetting the pain. That's what terrified her. It took a lot of drinking for the numbness to begin and she didn't know when to stop…she couldn't stop.

"I'm sorry about what I said."

"What of all the things you said?"

"About Maggie. I know she came because she loved Regina."

"She does. And Regina loved her too."

"I know. She would always call her aunt Maggie…it made me jealous."

"What is it with you and her? I don't get it."

"She knows a part of you that I never will. She knew your parents, your childhood, your dreams. Those are things I didn't get and, even if you tell me about them, she will always know more. As your best friend Maggie has a connection with you that I never will have." Olivia looked at him and then looked down. "It's stupid. I don't know."

Voight stood up and knelt down next to her chair holding her hands. "Yet no one understands me like you do. You said it yourself Maggie is my best friend. But you, Benson, are the love of my life. There is no stronger connection than that one."

"And nothing will ever break it?"

"Not even a divorce did."

"I guess it's just my mind playing tricks on me."

"Tell your mind not to worry about us. I'm not going anywhere."

"Not even if I turn into a creepy alcoholic?"

"I'm honestly hoping you aren't turning into that." He pushed her hair behind her ear and caressed her cheek. "But even if you are, I won't go anywhere. I'll help you walk the rocky road."

"I don't deserve you, Voight. Not after all the damage I caused."

"Good thing I like the pain then."

He stood under the water in the shower and allowed himself to cry. Really cry for the first time since Regina's death. He missed his daughter and it was hard to start a new day knowing she would never get new days. He hated knowing he had been so helpless unable to find the way to keep her alive. The moment she was born, he had promised he would always protect her; he would give his life for her. What kind of father was he if he couldn't keep his promise? What kind of father let his daughter die? Hank Voight would never forgive himself.

But, somehow, he had to find the strength to keep going. It wasn't time to worry about himself. He had Olivia to worry about; she was the one who needed him now. He had to find the way to help her because he wasn't willing to lose her to the alcohol. Voight knew she was much more than that. Much more than a bottle of wine. Much more than the pain. She was the strongest woman he had ever met and it was time she remembered that.

Olivia was looking for the corkscrew when a knock on the door distracted her. The last thing she needed was a visitor. Who was at their door the day after their daughter's funeral? Who had the courage to annoy them? She didn't want to deal with visitors. She didn't want to deal with anyone. She didn't want to deal with life.

"Maggie," she exclaimed as she opened the door and saw the other woman standing there. She looked so good. She had a great body and her hair and makeup looked perfectly well done. Olivia felt like a train wreck compared to her and could understand why Hank would fall for his best friend.

"Hello, Olivia. I am so sorry to bother you but I am headed back to Chicago in a few hours and I need to talk to Hank."

"Ummm, he's in the shower. You are welcome to wait for him."

"Do you mind?"

"Come on in," she rolled her eyes and stepped aside to let Maggie walk in. "You can take a seat if you want to. I don't know how long he'll take."

"I can wait."

"If you need to leave, you can tell me and I'll pass the message to him."

"I rather wait for him."

"Suit yourself." She made her way back to the kitchen and continued to search for the corkscrew. If that woman needed to talk to Hank, she needed a drink. What could be so important? What was going on? She hated thinking that Maggie was about to share a secret with him. Something that would make their bond stronger. But Olivia had no idea what would be said. She couldn't imagine how their lives were about to change. How their love would be put to test once more. She couldn't imagine what was left of her world would soon be destroyed.

"Maggie, what are you doing here?" He looked surprised as he stepped back into the living room.

"She needs to talk to you." Olivia said as she leaned against the counter with a new glass of wine.

"Okay. Shall we step outside?"

"Yes, please."

Hank walked out to the patio with Maggie right behind him. He couldn't understand why she was there and what couldn't be said over the phone. "What is it?"

"I don't know how to say this, Hank. Please believe that I don't want to cause any trouble."

"Maggie, just say it."

"Remember two weeks ago when I called you? When you told me Regina was ill." He nodded. "I called you because I had something to say but then it didn't feel fair to Regina. It still doesn't feel fair to her or to Olivia. But you aren't coming back to Chicago and I can't leave without telling you."

"Will you just say it?"

"Please know that I don't expect anything from you and I know your life is here with Olivia."

"Maggie Lockwood."

"I'm pregnant, Hank. I'm pregnant."

"What? With my baby?"

"Well, you are the only man I've slept with in the last four years."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I have already seen my doctor. I'm ten weeks pregnant."

"Maggie, I…"

"I don't expect anything. I know my place in your life but you had the right to know."

Olivia watched them through the window in the kitchen trying to figure out what was being said. Maggie had her back to the window and she could only see Hank's face. She tried to read his expression. To understand what was happening. But no expression, no action, gave away the words they were saying. Maggie had her arms wrapped around her body. Voight kept his hands in his pockets. Benson was going crazy; she had to know what they were talking about before her thoughts made her head explode.

"It's still my baby and I will provide for it."

"I don't want you to."

"Don't be a stubborn ass, Maggie. I am responsible for the life growing in you and I will take full responsibility."

"And how will that affect Olivia? I could smell the alcohol on her skin. Do you think she needs this? Because I don't."

"Let me worry about her, okay?"

"Yeah, but who worries about you?"

"I'm fine."

"You are not. I'm afraid this will explode in your face one day, Hank."

"Don't think about that. You put your mind on the baby and your health."

"I'm sorry this is happening now but I'm not sorry I'm pregnant."

"You shouldn't be. You always wanted to be a mother."

"Just wish the father would love me."

"Maggie."

She shook her head. "Take care of yourself, bad boy." She kissed his cheek and stepped back inside. "You take care of yourself, Olivia." Maggie said before she left the house.

He stood in the center of the patio for fifteen minutes before he could step inside. Maggie was right, Olivia didn't need this but he couldn't lie or keep it a secret. If they were giving their love a second chance, he had to keep it honest. Except Hank knew telling the truth could cost him her love. This was the ultimate betrayal, even if he hadn't actually cheated on her. But he knew how she would react, what she would say and how things would end. He was worried about how it would affect her.

"You look like you need this," Olivia handed him a glass of wine the second he walked through the door.

"You have no idea." He downed the glass in one sip.

"What did she say?"

"I honestly don't know how to say it without hurting you…hurting us."

"Just lay it on me, Hank."

"She's pregnant. Maggie is ten weeks pregnant."

"That's your cue to leave my house and my life."

"That's not what I want."

"Do you think I care about what you want? You should have thought about it before fucking her."

"I never thought this would happen, Olivia."

"You always did want a second child. Hell, you can now replace Regina."

"What is wrong with you? Our daughter is irreplaceable. This has nothing to do with her."

"There's a long list of what is wrong with me but you are right. This is about you screwing around with that woman and ruining us."

"There wasn't an us when I slept with her."

"And there never will be. Goodbye, Henry." She turned around to head to her bedroom as the tears started falling. Her name was the last thing she heard him say before she locked the door.

When Regina was four years old, they had talked about having another child but had come to the conclusion that it wouldn't be for the best. They both knew how demanding their job was and they could never give their full attention to two kids. Throughout the years, Olivia realized he blamed her for that decision. He had never said it out loud and had always refused when she asked about it; but certain comments made her realize he thought about it. Now their daughter was gone and he was about to have a baby with another woman. Olivia felt like she no longer belonged in his life and the only thing she could do was push him away.

An hour later, she stepped out into the dark living room to see he was gone. Part of her had expected him to stay but another part was glad he wasn't there. She opened the third bottle of wine of the day and grabbed her phone knowing exactly what she would do.

"Hello," she heard the man on the other side say.

"Hello."

"Olivia, is that you?"

"Yes."

"It's been years since you last called me."

"Well, you fucked up my life last time I saw you."

"I think you mean I fucked you."

"Want to do it again?"

"Is this an invitation?"

"You know the address."

"See you soon."

"See you soon, Cassidy."


	8. Chapter 8

She could feel his body on hers. His hips thrusting against her. His lips on her neck. His moans reaching her ears repeatedly. But it wasn't the same. He didn't know what to do with his hands. He didn't know what to do with his lips. He didn't know how to make her body leave the mattress. He didn't know her. He wasn't Hank Voight. Still, an orgasm hit her and with that a name escaped her lips.

"Oh, Hank!" She moaned as her legs went weak.

"Wrong name, Liv." Brain said as he rolled off her body.

"What? What did I say?"

"You know exactly what you said."

"Sorry, Bri." She put her shirt back on and, reaching for the glass of wine from the nightstand, she got out of bed. "Do you by any chance have a cigarette?"

"I'm not him and if you wanted him so badly, you should have called him."

"I don't want him."

But she did. Olivia was heartbroken and didn't know what to do. Three days ago she lost her daughter and now the man she loved was having a baby with another woman. She felt completely alone. Yes, she had her team but it wasn't the same. They didn't know her like Hank did and they could never understand what she was going through. Hell, she couldn't understand what she was going through. It seemed like no matter where she looked, her life was full of death and loss. She was spiraling down a dark hole and didn't know where the way out was.

The morning came and she woke up with a headache in the arms of the wrong man. She stayed still so Brian wouldn't wake up; she wasn't ready to face him. Calling him the night before and having sex with him had been a stupid mistake. She could have blamed it on the alcohol but the truth was that she had wanted to hurt Hank like he had hurt her. Two years back, Olivia's doctor had found a tumor on her uterus and to remove it, they had to remove the organ. She could never have babies again. At the moment, she thought she was fine with it. But when she heard him say Maggie was pregnant, she realized she wasn't. That was another thing the other woman could give to Voight and she wouldn't be able to do so. That's why it hurt her so much.

"Olivia, someone's at the door." Cassidy mumbled from the bed.

"Could you get that?" She was in the bathroom trying to stop the tears.

"Yeah." He walked to the door unaware of who was on the other side. "Oh shit."

"My thoughts exactly," Hank Voight said on the other side of the door. "Good to know you are still her second choice."

"At least she called me."

"Yeah? After how many bottles of wine?"

Brian was about to make a snarky comment when Benson walked into the living room. "Henry, what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk to you but if you are busy I can leave."

"Brian, could you give us a minute?"

"I'll be in the other room."

Hank felt he was back in the squad room on the night he caught her cheating on him. There she was sleeping with the same man. History had a way of repeating itself. Except this time he had no right to complain, to feel cheated on. She was his ex-wife, that was it. He had ruined the chance he had gotten to fix things. Another woman was having his baby and he knew Olivia would never forgive him. Maybe he deserved the pain he was feeling. After all, he wasn't keeping the promise he had made to Regina.

"What do you want, Henry?"

"I wanted to see how you were doing but I guess you are in good hands."

"You could say so."

"Didn't take you long to call him."

"Don't you dare. Don't turn this around on me after what you did." Olivia took a step closer to him but the hangover was too strong and she stumbled falling to the floor. "Fuck!"

"Hey," he knelt down and wrapped his arms around her sitting against the wall holding her tight. "I've got you."

"I really wish you did."

"Maggie being pregnant doesn't change how I feel about you."

"But it changes everything." Olivia buried her face against his neck. "She will need you and I could never rob that baby of such an amazing father."

"I can be the father while being with you."

"You could but I wouldn't be able to handle it."

"What am I supposed to do?"

"Go to Chicago and give that baby the family it deserves."

"What about you, Benson?"

"I'll survive. I always do." She kissed his lips as the tears rolled down her face.

"Don't forget this Chicago jerk, okay?"

"I won't remember anything else."

She watched him walk away once again. She felt the same way she did when he left her standing alone in the squad room with her love and her fears. This time, his actions had been the ones to separate them but she still felt alone with her love and her fears. Olivia knew that, no matter what happened, she would always love him and he would always hold her heart in his hands. Afraid of being alone and not able to get back the control of her own life. She didn't know what she would do. She didn't know who to turn to. She didn't know how to find herself again. She was lost and broken.

"I'm leaving, Liv." Cassidy said bringing her back to reality.

"You don't have to."

"I do. Look, you need to figure out what you want. You are a mess right now and I don't want to screw you even more. So once you've figured out what you want, go for it."

"I'll see you around?"

"Yes," he kissed her cheek leaving her alone with her thoughts.

 _[twenty years ago]_

"Olivia, this is Maggie. Whatever she says about me, don't believe it."

"You let her make that choice on her own."

"You let her make up her mind about me without your thoughts." Hank kissed Olivia's cheek as both women sat down. "I'll go get us beers."

"Nice to finally meet you, Olivia." Maggie said as he walked away. "I can finally put a face to the name I've heard so many times before."

"Nice to meet you too. Hank says you two grew up together."

"Basically. I've known him since he was ten years old. He hasn't changed much."

"Was he a rebel back in the day?"

"Oh, yes." She laughed starting the spark of jealousy in Olivia. "He would get in all sorts of trouble and drag me down with him. The good this is there was never a dull moment in his company. But I guess you've already figured that out."

"I'm starting to notice that." She looked towards the bar and saw him lean over waiting for the beers. She was already falling for him when she barely even knew him. But Hank made her feel alive and she liked that about him. He would always make her laugh and all her worries stayed away when he was around. She knew she was the new girl in his life and she wished she was the last one.

"It surprises me that he brought you here."

"Why? Doesn't he usually bring the women he is dating?"

"Oh, honey. I have never met any of Hank's girlfriends. He never lets them in so this makes you pretty special."

"Really?"

"Okay, I'm back and I hope you didn't put any crazy ideas in her head."

"Don't worry, bad boy. I was just telling Olivia some fun stories."

"Whatever she said, it's a lie."

"No, she knows I wasn't lying." Maggie flashed her an understanding smile.

Could it be possible? Could Olivia be the first woman he introduced his best friend to? What did it mean? Was she truly special? Was he falling in love with her? It all made her look at him in a different way. Maybe she did have a good reason to be falling in love with him. She had never expected any of it to happen but now she couldn't picture life without Hank Voight.

"So, Maggie, what do you do for a living?"

"I'm a nurse. I think all the times I've given this kid stitches when we were teenagers made me love the profession."

"Wait. You gave him stitches when you were younger?"

"Yes, he wouldn't want his parents to find out so he made me do it. My mom was a nurse and taught me how to."

"Maggie, stop! You are making me look terrible."

"But I've seen the scars," she said with a smirk, "so I believe her."

"I like her, Hank. You better keep her around."

"That's the plan."

"Good. And with that, I'm out. It was lovely meeting you, Olivia. Voight, call me once she's back in New York and you're crying."

"She's nice." Olivia said once Maggie was gone.

"Yeah, she's a great woman."

Maggie was important to him so it was important that Olivia and her got along. He wanted Benson to be a part of his life and introducing her to his friend –his only family left– was the biggest step. He had never introduced Maggie to any of his previous girlfriends because none of them had been the right woman. That wasn't the case with Olivia. She was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. The one he wanted to have a family with. The one to grow old with.

"Have you and her ever…?"

"Oh, god no. Don't get me wrong she's a beautiful woman but I don't see her like that."

"Now I like her even more."

Hank chuckled as he kissed her. "You have nothing to worry about, Benson. You are the only one I want."

"Hank."

"Yes?"

"I think I'm in love with you."

"I don't think so. I am in love with you."

"Will you keep it that way?"

"For the rest of my life."

 _[present time]_

That was a promise he would never break. He was still in love with her and that wouldn't change. It had stayed that way after he found out she was cheating. After the divorce. After spending five years apart. It would stay the same even if she never wanted to see him again. Hank knew he had to be there for his baby but he wished he could do that and still be with the woman he loved.

"Hank." Maggie said surprised to see him at her door; she didn't know he had left New York.

"Tonight I need my friend. Tomorrow we can go back to figuring out what we'll do."

"Come in, bad boy."

"She kicked me out. Doesn't want to see me again."

"I'm so sorry."

"Me too," he said as they sat on the couch and rested his head on her lap. "I can't believe how badly I fucked up."

"Hank, when we started screwing around we never could have imagine Olivia and you would get another chance. We both thought that chapter of your life was done. That we were free to fuck around with no worries."

"I should have worried more."

"Should we have worn a condom? Yes, we should have but we never thought it would end up like this. Never thought I'd be ruining your chance at love again."

"Maggie, don't put this on you. Look," he sat up looking at her, "I don't regret what we did. We had a hell of a time and I know this baby will love having you as a mother. I just wish I could fit Olivia in this life because I can't be without her."

"Shouldn't you be telling her this? Shouldn't you be in New York?"

"I went to see her and she was with Cassidy."

"Is that why you left?"

"No, I talked to her. She doesn't see herself being part of this life and doesn't want me to be away from the baby."

"She always did think about others first."

Maggie had always liked Olivia. In the first years of her relationship with Hank, they had grown close to each other. She had been the maid of honor at their wedding and the midwife when Regina was born. They had grown to call each other sisters but when the divorce happened, Maggie chose Hank's side. With that, Olivia's jealousy reappeared and the bond they had once shared was broken.

"Hello?" Maggie answered her phone.

"Take care of him, okay?"

"Olivia?" She raised her eyebrows at Hank. "Are you okay?"

"You'll take care of Hank, right?"

"You know I always will but isn't that your place?"

"I don't have a place in his life anymore."

"Olivia, you are the love of his. You have the biggest place and I'm not trying to take that away from you." Maggie mouthed _Barba_ at Voight and so he texted the other man to go check on Benson. From her voice, she knew Olivia couldn't be left alone that night.

"But you will be his baby's mom. I'm no longer that."

"You will always be Regina's mom and that won't change in his heart."

"Just…you take care of him." And with that, she hanged up.

"Tell me Barba is on his way."

"He is. Is she okay?"

"She shouldn't be alone tonight."


	9. Chapter 9

Barba didn't need to knock, he had had a key ever since that night years ago. He couldn't see Olivia as he walked in and immediately knew where to find her. The same place he had found her that night four years ago. There she was sitting on the bathroom floor, her head resting against the bathtub, half an empty bottle of wine by her side and the same orange pills container from last time. He didn't say a word as he flushed the pills and the alcohol down the toilet. Then, he picked her up and, fully clothed, sat her under the shower water.

"How many did you take, Olivia?"

"Four."

"I am not doing this again, you hear me?" He shut the water off and threw a towel on her. "I am not shoving my fingers down your throat again to make you throw up this killing mix. You have to stop doing this."

"My daughter is dead." Olivia started crying as he sat down next to her and held her tight. "My," she punched his chest, "daughter is dead."

"Let it out."

"Why? Why did this have to happen? She was my baby. My life. I don't want to keep living without her."

"So, what? You are going to push sleeping pills down your throat with wine? Do you think that is what Regina would have wanted?"

"No, she wanted Hank and I to be together. Look how that's working out. Maggie is having his kid and I fucked Cassidy. We sure know how to keep promises."

"And since you can't be with Voight you are going to kill yourself?"

"No."

"You need to stop this madness, Olivia. It's time you get your shit together."

"I don't know how to."

"Then ask for help."

"Barba."

"Yes?"

"Will you help me?"

She knew he was right and it was time to pull herself together. Regina was gone and the pain her loss was causing would never go away. But she wasn't coming back and she wouldn't like to see her mother popping pills and drinking wine as if it were water. If she wasn't ready to do it for herself, she had to do it for her daughter's memory. She hadn't been able to keep her promise, she and Hank couldn't be together, and the least she could do was live a healthy life in Regina's honor. That night as she cried in her best friend's arms, Olivia made the choice to give herself a second chance and choose life –with its pain, fears, regrets and opportunities.

 _[one year later]_

"I left milk in the fridge and you can call me if you need anything."

"He'll be fine; he is staying with his father. And you know, I have actually done the whole parenting before."

"I know but this is my first time working a night-shift since I had him."

"He is nearly five months old so I still can't understand how you've managed to avoid working nights."

"I have nice co-workers."

"I can see that."

"You'll call me if you need anything, right?"

"I won't."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Even if I say no, you'll ask so go ahead."

"Are you taking care of our son because you don't want to attend the conference she's at?"

"Goodbye, Maggie."

The conference had begun the day before and he made his research to find out whether she was attending or not. She was. Lieutenant Benson was on the list and he couldn't come around to see her. Not a day had gone by in the last year in which he didn't think of her. She was all he could think about every night as he fell asleep. He missed her voice. The way she would throw her head back when she laughed. How her eyes would shine when she smiled. The way she wore her glasses on the tip of her nose when she was tired. The way she tucked her hair behind her ear when she was flirting. The eyebrow raise she would do when she wanted to make a point. Voight wasn't ready to face her because facing her would show how bad he had been at keeping Regina's promise.

Twenty-one years had gone by since she last set foot on that convention center. Twenty-one years since attending a conference had changed her life. That had been the first and last time she had been there. At first, she stopped going because she found it incredibly boring and there was always someone who could go in her place. Then, after the divorce, she wouldn't dare show up and run into him. Now the odds were the same but after the terrible year she had had, she couldn't say no or get someone to cover for her. She took a deep breath, faked a smile and walked into the conference as if she were the happiest woman around.

"Well, look who flew in with the wind." She heard that recognizable soft voice and immediately turned around.

"Alvin Olinsky."

"Olivia Benson." He pulled her in for a short embrace. "How long has it been?"

"Seventeen years."

Alvin Olinsky had been Voight's partner when Olivia first met him. They were always there for each other, covering each other's asses when needed. When Hank moved to New York, they lost touch but Alvin was the one to help him put the Intelligence team together. Benson knew they shared dark secrets and that's why they had stayed out of each other's lives as they settled down and started their families. Now they were both divorced and probably doing what they used to do.

"I haven't seen you around here since the day we all met."

"I have managed to send someone in my place until this year." Olivia looked around trying to see if he was around. "Did he send you in his place?"

"He did this year. We've come together every year since he moved back here. I was surprised to hear he wasn't coming."

"Maybe he didn't want to run into me."

"I doubt that's the case, Olivia." Alvin squeezed her arm gently. "He misses you. I can tell he does."

"He doesn't need me in his life."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that."

"He has Maggie and their baby."

"Yes, he has their baby but Maggie isn't you."

She didn't know what to say. She didn't want to think about them together as a family. "It was nice running into you, Al. I'll see you around."

"You should give him a call."

Her mind stayed on Hank Voight as she got on a taxi and asked to be taken back to the hotel. This was his city. She was in his city walking his streets trying to forget him, but it was impossible. As she looked out the window, she saw the bridge on which they had kissed for the first time. She saw the buildings that had witnessed the first signs of their growing love. He was that city and she could see his face everywhere. No matter where she looked, she saw him. She was thinking about that when the taxi crashed into the car in front of them and she slammed her forehead against the seat in front of her. Olivia insisted she was okay but the cut on her head made the officers who had reached the scene doubt her. Against her will, she was driven to the hospital. That hospital. Her hospital.

"Out of all the nurses in Chicago, it had to be you?" She rolled her eyes as she saw Maggie walk pass the curtain in the small emergency room.

"I am just here to do your stitches but I can call someone else if you want."

"It pains me to say this but you are the only one I trust not to leave a giant scar. After all, you've been doing this your entire life and I've seen the results."

"I'll be quick," she said as she started working on Olivia's forehead. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"A stupid taxi driver happened. He just crashed into the car in front of us when there was a red light."

"Seems like he was distracted."

"You think?" She rolled her eyes again.

"Stay still, Olivia, or you will have a big scar."

"Just hurry up."

"I am doing my job."

"Like you were doing your job when you fucked my husband and got knocked-up."

"He wasn't your husband when I fucked him." Maggie finished the stitches and took a step back. "You are done. I'll give you pills for the pain."

"You can't."

"Why not?"

"Because I've been sober for 330 days."

"Regina would be proud of you."

"Let's leave my daughter out of this."

It was true, Regina would be proud of her for staying clean for 330 days. After the night Barba found her, she hadn't been able to stop drinking or popping pills here and there. It took her a month to find the strength to do something. She took two months off at work and spent them in rehab. She had been attending meetings every night since she got out. For the first time since her daughter's death, Olivia felt like she was in control of her life. It was a day-to-day battle full of temptations but she was winning. So, she wouldn't let a stupid accident tempt her and accept the pills. She was stronger than that.

"I'm sorry. You are right, she would be proud."

"So would he."

"Now, him we are leaving out of this."

"Okay."

"I," she looked at Maggie, "hear congratulations are in order."

"Nearly five months in order but thank you."

"Don't push it, Maggie."

"I'm kidding. You would like him. He looks a lot like Regina."

"So he looks just like his father."

"He truly does."

"What's his name?"

"Charles."

"Let me guess, he picked out the name."

"He did."

That didn't come as a surprise. Sixteen years ago as they listed names for their unborn child, Hank had suggested Charles. It was his father's middle name and he had wanted to honor him. Olivia promised him that would be the name if they had a son. But the boy never came. Regina was born and after that they decided not to have any more kids. Maggie had been the one to give him the son she never could. To give him the chance to honor his father in a way Benson never could. Once again, she felt like Maggie had completely occupied her place. That thought grew stronger as she saw the ring on the nurse's finger.

"I…I see more congratulations are in order."

"Oh," Maggie realized she had shown her engagement ring as she took off her gloves. "Thank you."

"I guess he came through after all." Olivia said as she stood up to leave the room.

"Olivia, wait. I'm not engaged to Hank."

"You aren't?"

"God no. I mean. I love him and I always will but I wouldn't marry a man who is in love with another woman."

"Well, congratulations to whoever the lucky guy may be."

"You need to go see him. You both need that."

"We don't. That chapter of our life is closed. He has a son to worry about and I wouldn't be good for them."

"I wouldn't want any other woman as my son's stepmom."

"I'm flattered but they don't need me."

"Why do you do that to yourself?"

"Do what?"

"Put yourself down like you weren't worth a million bucks."

"Because I'm not."

"You are!" She threw her arms in the air unable to believe what she heard. "You have the most amazing soul. You put others before you, which isn't always good but still. You give your very best every day. And you are loved. My god, Olivia, you are loved! Do you know what I'd give for my fiancé to look at me the way Hank looks at you? Yes, he fucked up and got me pregnant but he would give his life for you. Please realize that."

"If I were to talk to him, where would I find him?"

"Same place as always."

"Thank you, Maggie."

Hank's place wasn't far away from the hospital so she decided to walk there. She had no idea what she would say or do but, after everything Maggie had said, she needed to see his face. Olivia tended to put herself down because that was how she had been raised and only by his side she had learned to love who she was. The pills and the alcohol not only helped her forget about Regina's death, they helped shut down the voices in her head telling her she wasn't worth it. 330 days later, she still didn't feel she was good enough but she was getting there. She didn't want her worth to depend on a man but she knew he would help her see herself with a fresh pair of eyes.

"I'm coming," she heard that deep raspy voice that would make her knees go weak as she knocked on the door. "Am I dreaming?" He asked when he saw her face. "Olivia Benson at my doorstep."

"Hello, Henry."

"Are you lost?"

"Ha ha, very funny."

"What are you doing here?"

"What do you think I'm doing here?"

"I have no idea."

"I'm here to meet your son."

"Well, come on in." A small smile was drawn on his face as he closed the door behind her.

* * *

 **Reviews are always appreciated! Or you can go yell at me on twitter ( benoight).**


	10. Chapter 10

Voight led her to the baby's room and he still couldn't believe she was there. An entire year had gone by and he hadn't expected to see her face again. She hadn't changed much and in his eyes she was still the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He had missed her presence, having her around. He had missed hearing her voice, her laughter. He had missed everything about Olivia Benson but he had no idea how the future would turn out. What did it mean that she was there? What did it mean for them?

"Hank, he is so beautiful. He looks just like Regina."

"He does, doesn't he?" Hank could see the tears in her eyes.

"He looks just like you."

"Everyone says that but I don't see it."

"Yes, you didn't see it with Regina either." She shoved him gently as she leaned over the crib and looked at the sleeping baby. "May I pick him up?"

"You do realize it took me hours to get him to sleep, don't you?"

"You were always terrible at that."

"Hey," he pushed his hips against hers as she chuckled. "Go ahead."

He watched Olivia pick Charles up and a huge smile was drawn on his face. It reminded him of the first time he saw her holding Regina. She had been terrified to drop her but she was a natural and the baby girl had immediately fallen asleep in her arms. Olivia and Regina together had always been his favorite sight. He kept photos of them on his desk at the office and a couple in his bedroom. They were always on his mind. And there she was in his house holding his son. He wanted her to be part of his life, to be there for Charles and him. He knew that was his and Maggie's family but he wanted Benson to be part of it.

She paced the room and kept her eyes on Charles. He did look just like Voight, which kept bringing Regina to her mind. Olivia missed her daughter every day of her life but that night she felt closer to her. She didn't know if it was because Hank was there or because she was holding Regina's brother in her arms. The tears kept threatening her but she didn't want to cry. Not even if they were happy tears. Because she was happy to see him again. Happy to see he had his son to keep him company.

"He is so little."

"Don't say that to Maggie cause she'll kill your ass." He chuckled. "He rejected her milk so now he can only drink formula. He started growing in these last three months."

"But he is strong. He'll keep growing."

"Yeah, he is."

"Just like his father." Olivia raised her eyes from Charles and looked at Voight. "How have you been?"

"I don't think I know the answer to that." He leaned against the wall and crossed his arms over his chest. "There are days when I think I'm doing great but then something happens and I go back to being sad." Hank couldn't believe what he was saying but he couldn't stop the words from leaving his mouth. "I love having Charles. He is the best thing that could have happened in the last year but I still miss our daughter."

"I miss her too." She placed Charles back in his crib and stood next to him. "But she would have wanted us to try and be happy."

"Are you happy, Benson?"

What was she supposed to say? I haven't been truly happy since our divorce? Losing our daughter just took my last breath of hope away? She couldn't say that because she didn't want to be a burden. Hank wasn't her husband anymore and he didn't have to put up with her mess. She didn't want him to know how truly broken she was because she was trying to be better. But for some reason she felt like telling him the truth. It had always been that way. Whether he tried or not, Hank always managed to make her be honest with him but, most importantly, with herself.

"Do you want to hear the truth or the pre-written speech?"

"What do you think?"

"I haven't been genuinely happy since you left me standing at the precinct that night. Regina was the light of my life and because of her I always did my best to be happy. Since her death, I have been a mess and I don't think there's a drop of happiness left in me."

"Your life sounds depressing."

"You asked."

"For the pre-written speech," he said with a chuckle.

"Henry!" She smacked his chest and, for a moment, it felt like the old times.

He grabbed her arm before she could pull away. "You are going to wake Charles up." He walked out of the room pulling her with him. "Want a drink?"

"Just a glass of water."

"Water?" He raised her eyebrow at her.

"330 days sober. Thank you very much."

"I'm proud of you, Benson."

"Always wanted you to be proud of me."

"Always have been."

And he wasn't lying. He had always been proud of her. He was proud of the detective she had been. He was proud of the Sergeant she had become. He was proud of the Lieutenant she was. He was proud of the way she would always stand up for the victims, the survivors. He was proud of her as a mother always putting their daughter first. He was proud of her as a woman, the strongest he had ever met. Yes, she had made mistakes –they both had– and things had turned out differently than expected, but he was and would always be proud of Olivia Benson.

"You don't have to drink water because of me." She said as they sat on the couch in the dark living room.

"That's okay. I can be healthy for a night." He laughed and could feel her smiling. "You sneaked out of the conference?"

"I was there for a while and I ran into Al."

"I bailed on him."

"Was it because of me?"

"Do you want to hear the truth or the pre-written speech?"

"What do you think?" Olivia said mocking him.

"You never come to this thing but something inside me was telling me you would show up. So, I had someone check if you had confirmed your attendance. I wasn't ready to face you, Olivia."

"Why not?" She said in a whisper as if she were too scared to ask.

"Because last time I saw you, I had played a big part in breaking your heart. The last thing I did was hurt you." He moved his hand on the couch until he reached hers. "I'm sorry."

"Now I understand you didn't want to hurt me. It's not like you wanted to get Maggie pregnant, right?...I'm just kidding." She could feel him rolling his eyes. "You have nothing to be sorry about."

"I do. I am sorry I wasn't able to keep Regina's promise."

"That's on both of us, Hank. We both had a promise to keep. I guess life got in the way."

"Life shouldn't get in the way of love."

"But it did and we can't change that."

Olivia loved him and she knew she would love him for the rest of her life. But in that moment, as his hand was resting on top of hers and they sat in the darkness, she understood they weren't ready to be together again. Yes, he did love her and she knew he would go to the end of the world for her, but she wasn't ready to be with him again. If she said that aloud, everyone would say she was crazy, that they belonged together, and it would be too hard for her to explain why they still needed time. She was still figuring out her life; it had become an everyday battle with her addiction and she had to continue focusing on that. When it came to Hank, he still needed time to stop blaming himself for Regina's death and allow his heart to fully love Charles without feeling guilty over their dead daughter. They both had issues they needed to solve separately and only when that happened, they would be ready to solve the problems they had as a couple. It wasn't a no. It was a promise for later.

"We aren't ready to be together again, are we?" Hank spoke as if he had read her mind. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder pulling her into him and Olivia rested her head on his chest.

"I don't think so. We still have things to figure out."

"I agree but I don't want to spend another year without seeing you."

"Do you want to go back to young Benson and Voight?"

"You mean traveling back and forth?"

"Yes. I know we can't go another year without seeing each other. Particularly because I need to see that handsome son of yours more often. So, maybe we can travel every other weekend or once a month."

"I am willing to do that. Small steps. But to see Charles you would have to come here because I don't think Maggie would let me bring him to New York."

"Well, she did say if her son was going to have a stepmom, she would want that to be me."

"She did? Wait, when did you talk to Maggie?"

"Today. The taxi I was in got in an accident and I cut my forehead. She was the one to do my stitches."

"I wish I had been a fly to spy on both of you."

"Oh I know."

Maggie would bring up Olivia at least once a day. She knew how much Hank missed her and wanted them to be together. Maggie liked Benson and she couldn't deny she was the perfect woman for Voight. But she was overprotective when it came to Charles and he was surprised she had already imagined Olivia as the little boy's stepmom. It made Hank believe that the possibility of Benson being in Charles' life could become a reality.

"I want you in our life, Benson. I want Charles to know the woman I'm in love with."

"He will. One step at a time and maybe we can be a family one day. If Maggie lets me because I don't want to cross any lines."

"She already said she would be okay with you as his stepmom. I think she accepted the idea before we did."

"She was always smarter than us."

"No one is smarter than you, Benson." He kissed the top of her head as he reached for his phone. "Hello?" Hank stood up as he listened to Trudy Platt on the other side of the phone.

"Hank, sorry to bother you on your night with Charles."

"It's okay, Trudy. What do you need?"

"Is there any chance you could come in? We need you to go undercover because this case isn't going anywhere."

"Alone? These guys have only been in touch with couples, Trudy."

"I know. We are trying to find you a partner because we all know you and I do not look like a couple trying to have fun."

"You've got that right." Hank chuckled as his eyes met with Benson's. "I have someone. I'll be at the precinct in an hour." He hanged up still keeping his eyes on her. "Benson, still good at undercover?"

"Me? Are you sure? I am just getting back on track after everything."

"I trust you and I will be with you."

They were in his car on the way to the hospital. He had called Maggie to let her know he had to drop Charles off. As he drove, Olivia went through the files he had given her. There was a group of people –four men and a woman– who rented out teenagers to couples who wanted to "have fun". The Intelligence team had been working on the case for almost four months and they still hadn't been able to put an end to it. Maybe by going undercover they would find the way to stop them.

"You ready?" He asked as stepped into the precinct.

"I think so."

"Okay, listen up. This is Lieutenant Olivia Benson from Special Victims Unit in New York and she is here to help us. I brought her up to speed. Benson," he looked at her, "this is Halstead, Dawson, Ruzek, Atwater and you already know Olinsky. Trudy will help you get ready."

"Nice to see you again, Olivia."

"Likewise, Trudy." Olivia said as she followed the woman out into another room.

"Ready to go undercover?"

"I think we know how to play a married couple."

There was a long red dress she had to wear. As she changed clothes, she was reminded of the first time they had gone undercover together. They had always played a married couple; probably because they didn't have to pretend much. With Hank as her partner, Olivia always felt safe. It had been a long time since she was out on the field but she was happy to be back with him.

"Wow."

"What?" She turned around and saw him standing in a black suit.

"You look stunning."

"You don't look too bad either."

"Ready?" He put his arm out for her.

"Let's do this, partner." She said as she linked her arm with his.


	11. Chapter 11

"You still use that?" Olivia asked as they stood by the cage.

"You don't want to know." Hank shook his head and walked towards Mouse. "Benson, this is Mouse. He is our tech guy."

"Oh," she looked at the younger man standing in front of her, "you are the one who told him I was attending the conference."

"I am."

"Next time, you tell him I'm not attending. That way I can run into him and I won't have to track him down to his house."

"Benson, you're doing it again?"

"Doing what?" She raised her eyebrow at him.

"You're trying to be in charge in my house."

"Old habits die-hard, I guess."

"Oh, you are the ex-wife." Mouse said putting two and two together.

"What gave me away?"

"Mouse, just give Lieutenant Benson her earpiece."

"We aren't wiring her?"

"I'm not risking her."

"Hank, if we're doing this, we're doing it right."

"I am not putting your life at risk."

"Mouse," Olivia said in her well-known whisper, "will you give us a minute?"

She knew he didn't want anything to happen to her but she was there to help. It was her job, that was what she had spent most of her life doing, and he couldn't let the ex-husband feelings affect them. He wanted her help solving the case then he would have to let her do it on her terms.

"You have to wire me."

"I said no, Olivia."

"Don't you Olivia me, Henry Voight." She could see he wouldn't back down but she was the only one who could change his mind.

"You can call me Henry all you want. I had five years of that. You are not using a wire, understood?"

"If I'm doing this, I'm doing it right. You can either help me get this wire underneath my dress or watch Mouse do it."

"I won't help put your life at risk."

Hank leaned against the wall with his arms crossed on his chest as he watched Mouse wire Olivia. He couldn't believe how stubborn she was but it was harder to believe she still knew how to control him. Olivia had always been that way; she would always get away with what she wanted. He loved her for that. For standing up for what she believed to be important. For never backing down, even when it was against him. He knew that no matter how many years went by, she would always have a grip on him and he would do anything in his power to make her happy. He hated knowing that one wrong move and her life would be in danger. Yes, he was wearing a wire but it was his life and he would rather die than put her life at risk. But they were a match, stubborn to the core.

"She's got your number," Trudy said as she walked up to him. "If anyone in your team had refused your order, they would be out of the precinct. But her…"

"I know, Trudy. But she didn't really give me a choice…she just decided for me."

"Because she knows you can't say no to her."

"I can say no to her."

"Oh please, Hank. We all know you can't."

"Thank you for your opinion, Sergeant Platt." Hank shook his head as he walked over to Mouse and Olivia. "Is she ready?"

"She is. I'll be able to listen to everything that happens and have it recorded. If we find out anything while you'll there, you'll hear us through the earpiece. Remember not to talk on the phone on that side if…"

"If we like hearing," Olivia interrupted him. "We are old, Mouse, we've done this before."

"Oh yeah, right. Okay. Good luck."

They were left alone and Olivia turned around to look at him. He looked handsome in his black suit, white shirt and black tie. The last time she had seen him wearing a suit, it had been for Regina's funeral. That day she hadn't _really_ looked at him, avoiding his gaze the entire day except when she broke down. But that night she couldn't stop looking at him. She could see the signs of the last year; he had aged gracefully and in her eyes he looked as handsome as ever. They would always have their disagreements but they would never let that kill their love. Their divorce was the perfect example; six years apart and their love was still there.

"You'll have to pretend to love me for the next hours," she said as he drove to the club.

"This is going to be hard."

She smacked his arm and could see the grin on his face. "What's the plan? What's our story?"

"We've been married for seventeen years." She closed her eyes as she heard him; that would have been true if they hadn't gotten a divorce. "You're kinky and want a teenager to join us. That's how they work."

"Wait. I am the kinky one?"

"You always have been."

"Mouse, don't record that." She said to her wire. "You stop that! But okay. I'll be the kinky one."

"We walk into the club and two of the men will talk to us. They will ask questions about us, about what we want and what we like, and then they will introduce us to the woman. She is the one in charge."

"What if they ask something we don't know?"

"We've been married for seventeen years, remember?" Hank looked at her as he parked across the street. He leaned over and whispered in her earpiece free ear, "you have always been the kinky one, Benson."

Olivia couldn't deny it, he was right. She was the one to always bring new things to experience with in the bedroom. They had tried all sorts of things and it had all been thanks to her. Chocolate, whipped cream, ice, lotions and toys. She loved toys and he loved pleasing her. There had never been a dull moment in the bedroom…or in the shower or in the car. When it came to sex, they had tried everything everywhere. Phone sex had also been tried –yes, she had started it– when they were a long distance relationship. It would always end with her moans taking over the conversation. She was kinky and he loved her for that.

The club was an enormous dark room with neon lights in the corners. There were red curtains dividing an area into smaller rooms where they knew couples were abusing of teenagers. Their blood boiled the moment they stepped in. Hank would have kicked everyone's ass but he knew he had to stay calm to finally catch this group. Olivia squeezed his hand trying to reassure him they would get them but she was just as mad.

They were told to wait by a grey door for Frank and Joe –the two men who would interview them– to let them into the office. After that, they could see Geena and she would assign them a room with a teenager. As they waited, she didn't let go of his hand. She told herself it was to keep him under control but she was doing it for herself.

"Come in," a tall dark brown haired man opened the door for them. "Please take a seat. I'm Frank and this," he pointed towards a taller man whose body was covered in tattoos, "is Joe. I'll be asking you some questions and he will supervise. How about we start with your names?"

"I'm Anthony," Voight said as he took a seat, "and this is my wife Camille."

"How long have you been married?"

"Seventeen years." They said at the same time.

"Oh, you are _that_ couple." Frank rolled his eyes as he watched them hold hands. "And, what brings you here tonight?"

"Well, I've been telling Anthony how I wanted to try something different. Spice things up a little," Olivia leaned over exposing her cleavage.

"You've come to the right place."

"We hope so."

"If you don't mind, I'll ask you a few personal questions. It's to know what you like and what would satisfy you."

"Go ahead," Hank kept rubbing Olivia's back.

"Who is the dominant in bed?"

"Well," she looked at him from the corner of her eye.

"She is. Definitely her."

"You don't look like that kind of woman, Camille." Frank said with a smirk on his face that made Hank want to kill him.

But they hadn't lied. Olivia was always the dominant one in bed. He was always in control at work. Always intimidating and scaring people. That's why when they reached the bedroom he let her take over. And she knew how to perfectly do that. She knew how to touch him, kiss him blow him. Olivia knew all his weaknesses and how to use them for her advantage. She knew how to make him have a good time under her power.

"Has anyone ever joined you in bed?"

"No, it's always been just us."

"And who would you like to join you? Female or male?"

"Whatever my lady wants, she gets."

"He is all about pleasing me," Olivia squeezed Hank's thigh. To Frank that looked like a simple flirting gesture between two married people. To them it was the way she had to reassure him she was okay; she had always done that when undercover.

"I take it tonight is all about you then, Camille."

"Yes, it's all about her."

"So, tell me," Frank sat on the edge of the desk looking straight at her. "Any gender preferences?"

"Not really. Whoever gives me a good time."

"Do you like toys, Camille?"

"I do."

"Which ones?"

"Dildos are my favorite." Voight squeezed her hand knowing she was lying. If there was a toy Olivia hated, it was the dildo. She loved vibrators and having him use it on her but dildos were a no.

"I can see you are a kinky one. You've got a good woman, Anthony."

"You have no idea."

"How do you feel about being handcuffed?"

"Well," she pushed her chair back and looked at Voight. "That's a tough one because we both like handcuffing others."

"Do you do it often?"

"We try not to bring the handcuffs to the bed." Hank didn't understand how these type of questions were helping the two men but he could see they got off on them.

"Is there anything else you'd like to know, Frank? Or can I have some fun now?"

"One more thing. What's your favorite position, Camille?"

"I like being taken from behind," Olivia said in the whisper she knew could drive the man crazy.

"This is all we need to know. I'll get my boss now and she will assign you a room."

They watched Frank leave the office through a door leaving them alone with Joe. It didn't take him more than a minute to walk back in and that's when she saw her. How could she had been so stupid? Geena, she should have recognized the name. And the other woman recognized her too; Olivia could see it in her eyes. The same eyes that had exclaimed victory when they were set free four years ago. This boss was the same woman Benson had arrested years ago for being in charge of a pedophile ring. Evidence had been handled wrongly and she walked.

Geena snapped her fingers and both men had their arms around Hank pushing him up against the wall. "Detective Benson," she pulled Olivia's hair making her stand up. "I thought you knew better than to come after me again."

"I thought you knew better than to continue being such a despicable human being."

"But what would be the fun in it?" She slid her hand under Benson's dress and pulled out the wire.

"Leave her alone!" Hank growled and both men stabbed his stomach with two different knives.

"You have to tell your guy here not to yell. For every scream, he gets stabbed twice."

"Let him go, Geena. It's me you hate."

"But, my dear Olivia, what would be the fun if he doesn't watch you suffer?" Geena pulled her hair tighter and slammed her head against the desk. Her stitches, from earlier that day, popped and blood ran through her forehead.

"I said leave her alone!" Voight tried to push both men away but the knives cut through his skin once more.

"You have a stubborn one."

"Hank," she raised her eyes to look at him, "I'm okay."

"Now, Detective, you have been teasing my guys all night long. Maybe it's time they show you what a good time really is."

"Don't you dare touch her!" The moment the words escaped his mouth, he felt one of the knives perforating his lung.

"Joe, tie this man up. Frank, she is all yours."

Geena pulled Olivia's hair as the Intelligence team kicked the door down yelling "Chicago PD". Both men tried to ran but Antonio and Atwater caught them before it was too late. Benson took advantage of the situation and elbowed Geena's stomach continuing to punch her nose with the back of her hand. "It's Lieutenant Benson, bitch!" She handcuffed her and told Halstead to take her away.

"Olivia, you are bleeding."

"I'm fine, Al. But we need to call a bus," she said as she knelt over Hank. "Open your eyes, Voight. Open your damn eyes or I swear."

"Olivia," Alvin pulled her up, "let the paramedics work."

Olinsky drove to the hospital following the ambulance and Olivia couldn't stop shaking. Hank hadn't wanted to put her life at risk and she had done that to him. It was her fault he had been stabbed six times. It was her fault he was unconscious. She couldn't lose him because she couldn't live without him. He was all she had left. He was her best friend. He was her family. He was the love of her life. Losing him wasn't an option. What would she do without him? No, she couldn't even think about it.

"Olivia," Maggie said as she walked up to her. "I heard what happened."

"I am so sorry, Maggie. This is my fault. I put his life in danger."

"It comes with the job." She pushed the hair away from Benson's face. "You need new stitches."

"I need Voight." She said as the tears took over. "I need Voight."

"He's going to be okay." Maggie wrapped her arms around the other woman as she cried.

"I won't forgive myself if…"

"Don't go there."

"Henry Voight's family?" Everyone in the room stood up looking at the doctor.

"How is he, doc?" Alvin asked.

"Well…"


	12. Chapter 12

"He is stable for now," the doctor said. "He has what we call Pneumothorax which means there is air collected in the pleural space surrounding the lungs which is causing them to partially collapse."

"But he will be okay, right?" Maggie asked as she continued to embrace Olivia.

"Yes, we will keep him here for a week or two. Tomorrow morning, if this continues, we will do a small procedure to let the air out to relieve the pressure on his lungs."

"Can I see him?" Benson asked wiping the tears away.

"Yes, follow me."

As she stepped into the room, her eyes fell on the man in the bed. He looked tired and fragile, all because of her. She wanted to get into bed with him and hold him until he was okay, until he wasn't in any kind of pain. If anything happened to him, how could she ever forgive herself? She couldn't rob Charles of his father. She couldn't rob Maggie of her best friend. She couldn't rob the Intelligence team of their boss and friend. She couldn't rob herself of the love of her life. Hank Voight had to pull through for all of them. She realized, as she walked closer to his bed, that night had changed her perspective. She didn't care about their problems anymore. Olivia knew she couldn't stay away from him and that's what pushed her to make a decision that would change her life.

"If you pull that crap again, I promise you I will kill you myself." She said as she leaned down to kiss his forehead.

"I'm okay, Benson."

"You have a partially collapsed lung. How is that okay?"

"I'm breathing on my own, aren't I?"

"That doesn't change the fact that they will have to let the air out if the pressure doesn't stop."

"Olivia," he could feel in her voice that she was scared, "I am alive. I am breathing."

"You should have kept your mouth shut!"

"We both knew what they wanted to do with you. I could have never forgiven myself had they laid a hand on you."

"And look how that turned out! They could have killed you. Charles would have had to grow up without a father. I would have never forgiven myself."

"I'm here, Benson." Hank slightly squeezed her hand as she sat on the edge of the bed. "Charles will have his old man for a long time."

"He better because I need his old man too."

"You will have me for the rest of your life…to take you from behind just like you enjoy." He chuckled and grabbed his chest in pain.

"Until I'm an old lady?"

"Until you are an old lady."

Olivia leaned forward and gently kissed his lips. "Don't you ever scare me like that again, you hear me?"

"I won't."

"Sorry to interrupt," Maggie said from the door. "The doctors want to check on Hank and I need to do your stitches again, Olivia."

Maggie could see the fear in Olivia's face as she did her stitches again. She knew the woman was blaming herself for what had gone down that night even though it wasn't her fault. There was sadness in her eyes and Maggie knew Benson was picturing her life without Voight. She understood the love they had for each other and how much they needed one and other to keep living. After Regina's death, the pain had won and they took separate ways but that would change after that night. Maggie sensed they both saw they couldn't let go again.

"A penny for your thoughts."

"I was thinking about him."

"I could have never guessed that." The woman laughed as she sat next to Benson. "Elaborate."

"What if he had died?"

"But he didn't so don't go there."

"I wouldn't have been able to forgive myself."

"It wouldn't have been your fault."

"It would have! I would have left Charles without a father."

"And it would have been the saddest thing but I learned something a long time ago. Death comes with his job. Death comes with this life. I am surrounded by it every single day and, this is awful, but I am used to it by now. Would I have been sad had he died? Devastated. I would have missed him forever but I can't think about it. Not when there are others who are actually dying."

"How do you do it?"

"The same way you've been working on SVU all these years."

"Maggie," Trudy Platt stepped into the room, "Hank wants to see you for a minute. I'll stay with Olivia."

"Trudy," Benson said when Maggie was gone, "who do I talk to about a transfer?"

"Are you asking for yourself?"

"Yes. After tonight, I don't want to leave him. Never again."

"I can get you the papers ready but if you want to be on his team, you will have to talk to him."

"No, I don't want him to know. He would feel like I'm leaving my life behind for him and that isn't the case."

"Okay. Let me make a few phone calls. I could get the Commander to approve the transfer without having to tell him."

"I would appreciate that."

"Anything for my favorite couple."

Trudy Platt had been in Voight's life almost as long as Maggie. They had met at the Academy and had immediately become friends. When he put the Intelligence team together, he made it very clear he wanted her to be a part of it along with Olinsky and Dawson. Platt said yes without thinking about it. If there was someone she trusted with her life, it was Voight. If there was someone she knew would protect the city, it was him. And she knew if there was someone who could take care of him, it was Olivia Benson. She had witnessed the birth of their relationship, the development and the latest result. She knew they belonged together and they were the one couple that could come back from anything. She believed in them more than they believed in themselves.

"You wanted to see me, bad boy?"

"Oh, yes. Come on in, Maggie." He shifted in bed sitting up straight.

"What can I do for you?"

"I had my will re-written two months ago."

"No, we are not having this conversation."

"Sit your ass down and listen to me."

"They didn't stab the asshole in you." She said as she sat down on the chair next to the bed.

"Look, I can't talk to Olivia about it just yet cause she will break down on me."

"And I won't?"

"Come on, Maggie."

"Okay, fine. Tell me."

"The new will is in my safety box in the basement, you know the code." She did, it was the day he had first seen Olivia. "Half of what I own is for Charles and the rest is for her."

"I will remember all of this but she is the one by your side so she should know."

"And she will, if I make it out of here. But, if I don't, I need you to know."

"You will survive."

"We don't know that. It could go both ways. I could make it out in two weeks or I could die."

"You can't die, Hank."

"Believe me, that's not the outcome I'm rooting for."

"I'm serious. I'm not even thinking about Charles or about me. I'm thinking about her. You are all she has left and she wouldn't make it without you."

"I'm thinking about all of you." He closed his eyes for a second as the pain hit him. "And don't you think I know that? I can't leave her but I'm not in control of what happens."

"Just get some rest, okay? Stop thinking for a little while."

Hank knew Maggie was right. He was all Olivia had left. He was her family. He was her partner. He was her lover. He was her supporter. Yes, she had her team and they were like a family but it wasn't the same. They didn't know her like he did. They didn't understand her like he did. They didn't love her like he did. They would never be able to take care of her like he would. She was a strong woman but they were stronger together. He would fight for her because at the end of the day she was his life.

Olivia sat on the chair next to his bed watching him sleep. Despite the pain, he had been able to sleep for what was left of the night and didn't wake up when the doctors checked on him in the morning. Unlike him, she couldn't close her eyes for a second. She kept looking at the monitor controlling his heart. It was as if every beat reassured her he wasn't going anywhere. Every time she heard a beat, her heart felt at peace. She needed to hear it to know she wasn't dreaming and he had made it through the night.

"Good evening, sleepyhead." Benson smiled as he opened his eyes. "How are you feeling?"

"As if an elephant had been sitting on my chest."

"There kind of was but the pressure is starting to relieve itself so you'll be fine."

"Are you serious?"

"I am," she nodded with a smile. "The doctors confirmed it this morning. You didn't even flinch."

"I didn't feel anything."

"You were really tired."

"Have you been here all this time?"

"Where was I supposed to be?"

"Home. Resting."

"And leave you alone? No."

"Benson, you need to rest as well. You were beaten against a desk."

"And I made it out just fine, unlike you."

"Thank you for comparing your forehead cut to the six stabs to my chest."

"Helping you keep that ego under control."

"Oh where would I be without you?"

"Probably married to Maggie."

"Wow that hurt."

"Am I lying?"

"Yes, I probably would have married Trudy."

"You two would have been so happy," she said laughing.

"I love the way you laugh. Did you know that?"

"Oh no. Henry Voight don't you get all cheesy on me because you nearly died."

"Can you stop being such a pain in my ass and accept the compliment?"

"Thank you for the compliment now go back to being an ass."

"Speaking of ass."

"We aren't speaking about any ass."

"Your ass looked fine in that dress."

"Too bad your blood got all over it or I could have kept it."

"For me to tear it off with my teeth."

"The pain medicine has gotten to your brain."

"Maybe," Hank smirked at her. "I know you lied."

"When?"

"When he asked about the toys you like."

"Well, I wasn't about to tell him and your entire team what I like in bed."

"You like the vibrator better."

"You remember."

"When it comes to making you moan, I remember absolutely everything. Would you like me to show you?"

"Yes, but not right now. I would like you to fuck me and actually make it out alive."

"You just wait until I'm out of this hospital bed."

"Okay tiger I think you need to go back to sleep."

"I love you, Benson."

"I love you too, Hank."

"You know what else I love?"

"No but I have a feeling I'm about to find out."

"Your boobs."

"Oh my god," she could feel herself blushing.

"I do! Because they aren't perfectly rounded but they are so beautiful. I love watching them when you're riding me and they are bouncing. The left one is my favorite cause it's bigger and that nipple gets hard faster."

"Henry Voight!"

"What? I'm just telling you what I love."

"You are so high on pain meds right now." Olivia leaned down and pressed her lips against his. "My boobs love you too but you need to sleep now."

"Fine, fine."

It didn't take him more than a minute to fall asleep. She loved this side of him because she knew he would never say those things otherwise. It reminded her of that night in her old apartment when they had eaten pot brownies. It had immediately gone up to his head and, after eating two cheeseburgers, he had started naming all the things he found beautiful about her. He hadn't regretted it the next day but he had never been as spontaneous as that night afterwards. Until that day. It made her fall in love with him a little bit more.

"Olivia," Trudy approached her as she was leaving the doctors to run a few tests. "I've got news for you."

"All good I hope."

"Absolutely. I talked to the Commander and she approves of your transfer. She said you have to fill in all the forms, submit them, submit your papers in New York and it is a done deal."

"Are you serious?"

"I wouldn't toy with you."

"Trudy this is the best news! Thank you so much."

"I told you I would do anything for you. Hank needs you here."

"And I need to be here with him."

"I will bring you the papers later today. And, Olivia," she said as she stared walking away, "welcome home."


	13. Chapter 13

**I will apologize in advance for how short this chapter is and the lack of updating in the last weeks. I've been terribly busy and the fact that Olivia Benson is dating someone I hate does not help my inspiration. But here you go, a small little chapter that I hope will make you smile. Starting next week I will be dedicating two hours a day to writing so I should be updating as often as before. Reviews are always an appreciated motivation!**

* * *

"Don't you have to head back to New York?"

"Tired of me, Voight?"

"Never, but you've been here for a month. What about your job?"

"What job?"

"You know. The one in which you are a Lieutenant for SVU."

"I don't have that job anymore."

"What?! Why not?"

"Because I asked to be transferred."

"Where?"

"Are you really that slow?"

"Are you telling me you've been transferred into my unit?"

"You are finally catching up."

"Why didn't I know about this? I should have signed the papers."

"Trudy and the Commander got it settled."

"What if I didn't want you on my team?"

"Oh really?"

"You did it for the wrong reasons, Benson."

"No." She stood up from the floor and walked towards him. "I'm tired of playing games, Hank. I nearly lost you and that made me realize I don't want to leave you, I don't want to be away from you. Leaving New York was a small sacrifice compared to spending my life with you."

"You should have talked to me about it."

"You would have tried to convince me to stay there. And I wasn't letting you move. Charles is here and your son needs you. Plus you still can't travel. Me moving here was the best option."

"You truly do love me, don't you?"

"Unfortunately, I do."

Hank kissed her lips softly before he spoke again. "This doesn't mean you're in charge of my team."

"I do outrank you."

"This is my house, Benson."

"And I don't want to disrespect that but we both know you can't say no to me."

"Maybe I've changed."

"I would like to see that."

"At least let my team believe I'm still in charge, okay?"

"That I can do."

It had been a month since the incident at the club. Hank had spent two weeks at the hospital and had medical leave for two more weeks that meant he would soon go back to work. He hated not being able to do his job but he couldn't deny he loved having Olivia around to take care of him. The last month had been perfect to make up for lost time. They had spent every waking moment together. Maggie had been nice enough to set a bed for Benson in his hospital room so she only left his side to shower at home. She had been too scared to leave him. Once he was back in his house, Olivia made sure he had everything he needed.

"I can't wait to be back at work."

"You do realize you will spend the first days on desk duty, don't you?"

"You wouldn't dare do that to me."

"The doctor said you need to take it slow."

"I've been taking it slow for a month."

"You heard him."

"You know what else he said?"

"What?"

"If I could have sex without dying, I would be able to do anything."

"We still have to give that a try."

"We should."

"But I don't want to be responsible for your death, Voight."

"What a way to go," a small smirk appeared on his face. "Chicago Sergeant survives six stabs to his chest but dies having sex with his wife."

"Excuse me, wife?" Olivia raised her eyebrow at him. "You still have to put a ring on it…again."

"Do we have to go through all that again?"

"Oh yes, dear."

"How the hell am I supposed to top my first proposal?"

"You better start thinking," she winked at him and swayed her his as she walked away.

 _[nineteen years earlier]_

"But it's raining, Hank."

"When has that ever stopped you from dragging me out?"

"Why can't we just stay here in my cozy apartment?"

"Benson, go grab your coat and let's go."

On a rainy night like that three years ago in Chicago, he had taken her out for a drink and they had been together ever since. For the last two months, Hank Voight had been carrying his mother's engagement ring waiting for the perfect moment to propose to Olivia. To him the perfect moment wouldn't exist, he would have to create it and that was it. He was creating the perfect moment that night and he could only hope she would say yes.

"I can't believe I let you convince me."

"It was about time I took control for once."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"That I don't know how to say no to you and you use that for your advantage."

"I know how to play the game."

"And that's why I love you." Hank stopped walking and got down on one knee.

"Voight, what are you doing?"

"Three years ago on a rainy night like this in a slightly windier city, I took you out for a drink and knew I never wanted to let go. I wasn't looking for you. Hell, I never expected someone like you to love someone like me. When I first laid eyes on you, you took my breath away. I had never seen such beauty; you are perfect. But I thought that was it, you know? A great looking detective passing through my city. I didn't expect to fall in love with your smile, your laughter, the way your eyes shine when you yawn, the way you throw your head back when you laugh and try to catch your breath and the list could go on forever. But above all, I fell in love with your brain, your ideas, your beliefs and your pure heart. I can't imagine spending my life without you. You turned my life upside down and I want you to continue to do that until I die." So," he pulled the ring out of his pocket, "Olivia Benson, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

Tears were rolling down Olivia's cheeks as she spoke. "Yes! Oh my god, Hank, yes!"

He slipped the ring on and kissed her passionately in the rain. "You have made me the happiest man."

"It's your mom's ring, isn't it?"

"I felt it was appropriate."

"It's an honor to wear it."


End file.
